i sometimes wonder if the food i reject from my body has feelings the way I do; if it feels useless whilst sitting in the toilet bowl I leaned over before it.
or maybe if the help i say I dont want or need feels a sense burdensome because of the way I degrade the thought of asking for it.
so here I sit, in front of the toilet, projecting the food I just ate into it, with a member waiting outside.
why do I do this to them. why do I let myself scare them, they don't deserve it.
I just can't get myself to stop. why can't I stop?
with a flush and a hand wash, im leaving the bathroom emotionless, with hyunjin eyeing me suspiciously.
he's quick, quick enough to chase after me and grab my wrist; and so he does.
"you really need to stop felix" his voice is laced with worry and concern, the opposite of mine as I tell him to shut up and snatch my hand away.
im pushing everyone away.
why?
I dont know.
even with black holes under my eyes, sunken cheeks, and a frail body, I dont know why I keep rejecting their help.
and its only a matter of time before my body rejects my breathing, and my will to live.
(not edited, this chapter sucks ass)
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𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒﹔𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗
Fanfiction"you really need to stop felix" his voice is laced with worry and concern, the opposite of mine as I tell him to shut up and snatch my hand away. "im pushing everyone away, and i dont even know why even with black holes under my eyes, sunken cheeks...
