BLUFFIN - EREN J.

silent conversation

You and Eren sat across from each other in a room devoid of anyone else, creating an uneasy atmosphere. In that moment, you found yourself wishing you had brought your phone to help pass the time. Your eyes wandered around the room, searching for any detail to capture your interest, but no luck. Glancing at your nails, you started brainstorming ideas for your next manicure—debating colors and all.

The silence hung in the air, making you wonder if someone should break it or if it was just one of those moments.

Eren appeared unfazed by the silence, sprawled across the couch, confidently observing you without reservation. You hesitated to address his intense gaze, uneasy with the way his eyes scrutinized every detail on your face and observed your every subtle movement.

Normally, you weren't particularly competitive, except when it came on to Eren, and this situation felt like a silent competition. It seemed like acknowledging the silence first would be a loss on your part. Therefore, you found comfort in the quiet, and Eren picked up on it. To him, your choice to embrace the silence seemed childish, as if you were willingly playing into his unspoken game.

As moments stretched into what felt like an eternity, you couldn't help but wonder if Eren's calm exterior masked a storm beneath. His eyes hinted at emotions and thoughts that remained unspoken.
You contemplated reaching for your phone again, but the unspoken challenge held you back. The room felt like a battleground of unexpressed sentiments, and every glance, every movement, seemed like a strategic move in this unspoken duel.

Finally breaking the silence, Eren's voice pierced through the still air, measured and deliberate. 'Do you have something to say Y/n?' he was amused by the situation.
Without missing a beat, you replied, 'Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words,' maintaining a nonchalant tone as if you were discussing the weather.
The room held an unspoken tension, a subtle back-and-forth between shared glances and unvoiced thoughts.

"Thanks for waiting, Connie forgot to get the drinks" "I didn't forget! I just didn't know you were planning to drink thats all" "we always drink Connie?" responded Sasha, not buying Connie's cheap excuse.
You detached your sight off Eren, putting all of your attention on your friends.

Connie had invited you to celebrate his new apartment, and you were happy to join, especially after the Halloween incident. You preferred small gatherings with people you trusted.
"What do you wanna drink, [y/n]?" Connie asked.
"Just a coke, please," you replied.
"No tequila?" teased Sasha, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"No, it makes her horny," Eren chimed in, referring to your revelation the other night. The mention left you slightly embarrassed.
"Oh my God, don't talk to me about it," you muttered, hiding your face in your hands as you reminisced about the moment.
You weren't typically that bold, but the alcohol in your system had led you to speak your mind freely.
"Make me a tequila and coke then," Eren teased further, a playful smirk on his face.

You stood and walked towards the kitchen, hoping to find your phone, but it wasn't there. "Sash, have you seen my phone?" you asked.
"No, sorry, babe," she replied.

You entered Connie's bedroom, still searching, and as you looked, you heard the door closing. You turned around, only to find Eren's tall figure right in front of you. Your voice nearly whispered, "What are you doing?" His presence made you nervous as he towered over you, taking your phone out of his pocket.
"Is that what you're searching?" he asked, and relief washed over you. "Yes, thank you," you replied, moving to grab it, but he didn't let you. "Can I ask you something?"
His usual teasing demeanor vanished, and he looked more serious than usual. You had never had a heart-to-heart conversation with Eren, even after the accident, so you felt nervous about what he was going to say

"Yes," you responded.
"What did you find in Porco?" he inquired. You shivered at the sound of his name. "Why?" you asked. "Because I'm curious."
Eren's curiosity stemmed from the fact that when he first met you, you were still in a relationship with Porco. He always wondered why a sweet and kind girl like you would be with someone like Porco, even if he was his friend. He believed they shared the same jerky attitude, and he couldn't comprehend why you hated him but seemingly not Porco.

"I was in love. I didn't see him as others did. He was a different man for me, one that nobody could see but me. That's why I was so possessive."

"You loved him?" Eren was taken aback by this revelation. He couldn't fathom how someone like you could love someone like Porco, and it made him question the extent to which love could blind a person.
"I don't want to talk about him anymore," you said, attempting to leave the room. However, he grabbed you by the arm, repositioning you in front of him, only this time much closer.
He took a moment to appreciate your angelic features. As you looked up at him, your eyes held a myriad of emotions you were desperately trying to hide.
"Why did you do that to yourself?" he asked, attempting not to sound overly concerned, though he couldn't deny a genuine sense of care. "He wasn't a terrible person."
"He's just like me. Porco is just like me, [y/n]. And you don't love me," he asserted, trying to shake off the returning old feelings. However, vocalizing those words seemed to hurt him more than he anticipated. Why did he care? Why did he care about your opinion and validation?

Despite the seemingly perfect image you and Porco projected, Eren was well aware of Porco's mistreatment towards you and the turmoil you experienced in that relationship. He refrained from speaking up, believing he should mind his own business. However, now, after learning about Porco's alarming actions towards you, he couldn't help but think that if he had intervened earlier, you might not be in this distressing position. He blamed himself, grappling with the realization that Porco was a terrible person, and he knew it from the beginning, yet he allowed you to stay with him for so long. What was wrong with him? Was his pride more important than saving you from Porco's terrible grip?

In the complexity of your relationship with Porco, you never viewed him as a bad boyfriend, merely a lost soul in need of guidance. You believed you needed him more than he needed you, a notion that, as time unfolded, revealed itself to be far from the truth. Porco didn't empower you; instead, he suffocated, turning you into a trophy for his friends and family to admire. With him, you felt like nothing more than a possession.
The question lingered in your mind: Did he truly care about you, or were you merely a possession he'd discard if you weren't exclusively his? Loyalty became your virtue, dedicating your heart entirely to him and making space for no one else. Yet, his peculiar requests, urging you to engage with other guys in front of him, shattered your heart. Did he lack a sense of possessiveness over you? Did he even care if others had you? You yearned to be his one and only, but his indifference accentuated your misery.
Despite the internal conflict, you obeyed his twisted requests, hoping for praise or simply to bring him happiness. The fear lingered that the day you refused would mark the end, as if he would grow bored and see no reason to stay with you any longer.

"Eren, I'm okay. I really am," you reassured him, your composed demeanor a stark contrast to his emotional turmoil. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he mumbled, suddenly resting his head on your shoulder, concealing his face from you. The unexpected closeness surprised you, but strangely, you found comfort in the contact.
Eren felt a wave of shame. Here you were, the one who needed comfort, and yet he was acting as if he was the victim.
He berated himself for not reacting sooner, for not insisting you run away from Porco when he first knew you were his girlfriend. "I'm sorry it took me so long to react," he confessed, his words laced with remorse.