My Moon, your Star (LB)

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I will update this book at some point you just have to bare with me. I've lost the motivation at the moment due to my grieving. On Monday I went to the funeral of one of my youngest friends.

He commit suicide a little over a month ago, jumped off the bridge one night, he was only 19. It's been really hard to deal with, basically a whole rollercoaster of emotions. I broke down into tears not far from that very bridge, hours before his funeral.

Then when I was going in with a couple friends of mine (and his) my friend overheard the funeral people struggling to find another pallbearer to help carry the coffin, most likely the other one has dropped out last minute. Anyways, I stepped in and I ended up carrying my friends coffin at the funeral along with his two brothers and two other family relatives of his.

To say it was hard was a understatement, the whole thing was so emotional already and I was nervous. But carrying the coffin, that took a lot, I knew it was the right thing to do and I am glad I did it, I'm proud even. I'm just, I'm so sad he's gone.

He was a lovely lad, he was always one to help someone and always put a smile on their face no matter their mood. He was smart, understanding, non judgemental, selfless and he left this earth way too young.

I guess I'm posting this because... If anyone of y'all think about suicide, maybe this could help stop you. Look, I know it's not easy, going personal I've attempted suicide a few times in the past, thankfully they never worked. I've got my fair share of mental health problems so I do understand that when people say 'it gets better' it's really hard to listen to it and believe it.

And the truth is, life is always gonna have bad stuff with it, it's natural, but along with the bad there is good. You see, if my mate had maybe stopped himself from doing it that night, who knows what life could have been like for him? In the future, he could have had a wife, kid's, a job he enjoys.

But we will never know, he will never know. He probably didn't even know how many people really cared about him, he touched a lot of people's hearts. His mum, his two little sisters and his two big brothers in bits, as well as other family and of course friends.

You may feel at times so low, like you really don't wanna be here, I've been there, you'll feel like if you actually did go, that nobody would miss you. Well your wrong! I was wrong! He was wrong! People will miss you, more than you could ever know.

I'm not talking from someone who is has been suicidal anymore, I'm talking as someone who has lost someone from suicide. So please hear me when I say, it's not the only way, there is always someone there, someone who will listen and will help, you just have to reach out, it's so important. I wish he had.

Anyway, I few days ago I wrote a poem/song, it's about mental health, suicide, bullying. Yea, bullying, you see, my friend was bullied by some other lads and some girls just an hour or so before he did what he did, it was the bullies that made him snap.

Here is the poem, it is called Nineteen 🔻

Chorus:

He was only nineteen his whole life ahead of him, it's just a battle he wasn't gonna win, he could have but you added to the pain within, made him throw his whole life into the bin

Verse: 

We didn't see the signs, they never let us know 

their battle was silent, but in the end it won

they wasn't weak, they wasn't selfish, they just broke down

they felt like there was no escape.

Pre-Chorus: