Intoxicating (Ticci Toby FF)

IX

A/N: This chapter takes place right after Toby left Natalie. It's basically a window into his perspective and what he did after and up until their reunion.

   "This is bad. This is bad", Toby thought to himself while he was running through the pouring rain. His hood wasn't on, so he was drenched to be bone from the bad weather. Not that he'd care, he was too panicked to even notice right now. "I hurt her. I can't believe I...", he kept telling himself, his head full of hurtful thoughts and memories. He kept running and running, not knowing exactly the direction he was going into. The raindrops hit his face like daggers and camouflaged the tears in his eyes. He felt...destroyed.  A mix of disbelief and remorse flooded his senses, the weight of his actions finally setting upon him, feeling shattered at the thought of what his outburst caused. 

   Toby could not understand how he let himself lose control like that. With her, of all people. It was his fault. His fault. He kept telling himself that, running towards an unreachable destination. His breathing was heavy, scattered. His legs were exhausted and he felt he couldn't run more further. But the man wouldn't stop, if he looked behind him all he'd see is that look in Natalie's eyes. The fear...fear of him. She wasn't supposed to feel that, not anymore. This wasn't right. "I fucked it up!", he scolds himself.  The man felt drained, a hollow shell of the storm that had raged moments ago. Regret ate at him as he remembered the wreckage of the girl he left behind. He left her there, and that was for the better. 

   He suddenly stopped. There was woods in front of him. He could get home. Then he'd fix it. He'd speak with...with Brian! Yeah, Brian would help him, he was sure of that! He'd speak with Brian and tell him that he needs help. He needs help controlling himself, keeping her safe. He'd get home and fix it even if it took him all night...Toby couldn't risk losing her, not like he lost Lyra, no, there was no way that would be happening...

   Next morning, Toby was standing in front of the tall, grey concrete building that he called home. The freezing morning air was more than welcome, and as he was breathing it in, his muscles relaxed and he felt his mind clear. The man walked up to the massive white door and opened it, stepping inside. The hallway was dimly lit, with an eerie feeling to it. He walked through confidently, rushing towards the stairs at the end of it. He went up the stairs until the second level. Navigating through the array of doors, he finally found the one he was looking for. He started knocking and knocking turned to pounding and before he knew it he was calling out Brian's name but to no success...it seems he wasn't in there.

   It's alright, Toby knew where else he could be. The map room. Rushing down the stair, he ran towards the isolated conference room. When he was met with the same hallway he was eavesdropping in just a day ago, a sudden feeling of expectancy hit him. He breathed heavily, tired from all the running, but pushed forward to the entry way. 

  "Fuck." , he slipped out. The room was empty. "Where the fuck is Brian?", he mumbled to himself, not expecting an answer.

  To his luck, he did get one. 

   "Gone actually, he left like 15 minutes ago at sunrise.", a british feminine voice spoke from behind him. Turning around to face the intruder, he was surprised to see a familiar face. Long brown hair and tan skin. He knew her name, he just couldn't remember it. Well, doesn't hurt to use what the universe gives you.

   "Do you know where he went?", Toby asked in a rushed tone, to which the girl raised a brow.

  "No...he didn't say. But he seemed pretty hurried." , the girl answered with a glint of suspicion in her voice. Just as she was ready to go about her way, Toby stopped her.

   "Do you know where Tim is?", he asked in a heartbeat, his piercing gaze demanding an answer.

   "Uh, he's outside, in the back I think.", she responded with a confused look on her face and then quickly left the scene. And for what's fair, her confusion was valid. Toby wasn't really seen in the house, but everyone knew of him. He was one of...the favorites, the best. So when you stumble upon someone like that looking like they just finished a marathon, you might be a little weirded out too.

   Toby followed the girl's information and went outside, looking for that all too familiar man. After searching for a few minutes, he spotted a man standing on the old wooden swing, smoking a cigarette. Smirking, he walks towards the man putting on a nonchalant facade. 

   Once he got close enough to be noticed, Toby was greeted with a frown. He decided to play it smart.

   "Are you that happy to see me, Tim?", Toby asked in a lively tone, the one he usually adopted whenever Tim was present. Sitting down next to him on the swing, he looked over at his "friend" expecting an answer. 

  "Yes, actually. You've been gone a while Toby, we'd all be happy to see you here more often.", the man responded, accentuating the "often" in his sentence. To that remark, Toby laughs and exhales.

   "Seems like our dear old Brian's been gone too. Do you happen to know where he went?", he asked smiling. This question brought a grin of acknowledgment on Tim's face. 

   "I think you know exactly where he is. Trying to solve what you couldn't, "friend". ", Tim says, a hint of irony when using the term "friend".

   At his statement, Toby freezes. "He went to Nat.", he realizes in his head. His pulse quickens and he stands up and leaves without another word. To his reaction, Tim chuckles and shakes his head. 

   "Fucking told you, Bri.", he mutters under his breath, taking another hit of the cigarette.

   Meanwhile Toby was fuming. Yesterday night he was angry at himself, now...now he was angry at Brian. How fucking dare he go talk to his girl without his knowledge? The absolute audacity of this guy. But Toby knew what to do. He had a plan to make sure Natalie was safe and no fucker would ever reach her again. He knew what to do but he had to do it now, otherwise it would be too late.

 Toby felt absolutely exhausted but he was going to make this trip. He was going to stop Brian from talking to Natalie and save her, follow through with his plan. He's just hoping he won't faint on the way since exhaustion, dehydration and rage don't really mix well with each other.

   Luckily, being stronger than humanly possible offered an incredible advantage in that category as well. So before he knew it, Toby was back on Natalie's street. Never mind the trip made him feel like a walking zombie, it didn't matter since it was her he was doing it for. The only bad part was that now it was dark. He was sure he missed Brian completely but it's okay. The plan can still work. He started walking towards Natalie's house with hard, determined steps. Toby knew she was probably asleep, so he was going to enter through the front door. How hard it is to pick a lock really?

  Turns out, suspiciously easy. Quietly entering the house, he checked around to make sure her mom wasn't home, and once that was confirmed he climbed the stairs up to her room. Opening the door slowly, it creaked and he muttered a curse under his breath. The room was dark, the only light coming from the moonlight outside, shining directly on  Natalie's beautiful face.

  Staring at her peaceful state, Toby almost forgot how things had ended  the last time they saw each other. And when he remembered, an intense feeling of guilt overwhelmed him. He needed to fix this. He creeped up to her bed then crouched down to be face to face with her. She looked serene, you could almost ignore the eyebags and frown line he knew were his fault. 

   Sighing silently, he raised his hand and caressed her cheek. 

  "Forgive me, angel.",  he whispered, looking at the girl with such tenderness and regret. At first, Natalie melted into his touch, but when her eyes slowly opened and they widened with fear, Toby knew this would be harder than he thought. But he'd do it. He'd wait until she forgave him, however long it took. For her.