Intoxicating (Ticci Toby FF)

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      Natalie was dreaming. Dreaming of him. Their good days, the ones where everything wasn't so complicated and she fell in love with Toby ,not the hatchet killer. She fell in love with the charming, funny and witty boy that she'd take care of every night. Before he showed her what he actually was.

   In her dream the girl was healing him again, like she always would. His hand reached up and touched her cheek...it felt so real. What Natalie didn't expect though was to open her eyes and realize that it was real. He was there.

   Wait, Toby was there. As the thought finally processed in her brain, along with the memories of him, the girl's pulse quickened with fear. He sat there at the end of her bed ,crouched to her level. In one swift movement, Natalie sat up and crawled away from him. It was instinctual.

   "Nat, wait...", Toby pleaded in a whisper, trying to sound as gentle as possible. The girl didn't answer. She sat as far away from him as the bed allowed her.

   "Just...hear me out, okay?" , he spoke once more, changing his position to take a seat on the side of the bed, still respecting her space.
The man took a deep breath in, he seemed to be preparing himself for something. His hands bawled into fists while resting on his knees. He was anxious. He could tell by the knot forming in his stomach and all the way up to his throat.

  "I didn't mean to...get like that." ,Toby started, his voice weak and his gaze avoiding Natalie's. She didn't say anything, so he kept going: "I lose control sometimes. I can never see it coming. But when it happens, I just...",  the man paused, his brows furrowed and breathing uneven. He felt unusual, like this was wrong. Like talking about his feelings was an unknown territory he was way too unprepared to approach.

   "I can't hear, I can't see. I can't think." , Toby speaks, his voice raising during the last sentence. "I didn't know it was you. All I could feel was this...overwhelming anger...and fear.", he pauses, as though he was deeply pondering upon his next words , "I'm sorry Natalie.", the man finally says, moving his gaze up from the ground and meeting the girl's eyes.

    He somewhat expected to see fear in them, anger even or disgust. But Natalie had eyes as soft as her touch. She seemed to be in deep thought, listening to his every word. Her head was tilted to the side and a few hair strands grazed her forehead in the process. She looked beautiful. The girl looked at him with a gentle stare, a hint of understanding in it. Toby then felt there was hope, hope that she'd forgive what he did.

    For a few minutes ,there was silence. Toby didn't dare to speak, he felt it wasn't his turn anymore. As they were both deep in thought, Natalie chose to break the tranquility of this little moment.

   "You look bad, Toby...",  she whispered, her tone nor rude or judgmental, but caring. It took the man by surprise, as he lifted his gaze from the ground and faced the girl. Natalie was right, he did look bad. He looked tired, exhausted. Like he hasn't slept or rested in days, which was about right.

   "You don't look that good either.", he quietly uttered, a hint of that all-too-familiar banter to his voice. A small smile appeared on the Natalie's face as she tried to suppress the feeling of guilt.

   The girl felt shame eating at her soul. Not for seeing Toby this way, no. For forgiving him. Without even realizing, she forgave him from the moment he looked her way. All he had to do was look at her and her stomach would fill with butterflies and expectancy, even now after what he did. Natalie felt disgusted for betraying herself like that and forgiving the man who caused her the greatest pain. She still loved him and the girl presumed Toby knew that already.