SILENCE IS A COLOUR (Affinity Series)

Chapter Eight.

Peace was the last thing I felt right now. I know it's wrong but I had to leave school once I left the toilet. Grayson was smart enough to leave the place and I couldn't help but think about the reason behind it. Grayson had history with girls.

And most of the time, they meet in the toilet. The thought alone hurts like a bitch to think about but what can I do? It's the past. Right now, I'm excited that he said that he wants to be my friend and he's excited to get to know me.

That last part baffles me because I'm really not sure if I'm ready for anyone to really get to know me. I guess, it's one of the reasons I'm an introvert apart from the numerous body shaming both by myself, my parents and society, I don't really want anyone to know the real me.

Not even my parents can guess it, even if they try, I'm that mysterious. I refuse to let on a lot of things because then, I don't know if anyone would believe that I'm quiet.

Most people don't know that I like trying new things, hate getting angry, I can be jealous when I see my crush with another person and then, I try to get over it so fast. I hate wasting my time on people that don't like me, I hate getting insulted. Simple words hurt me so much that I can lock myself in my room with no food.

Not everyone knows that I would love to explore, discover new things, do what my age mates are doing and have the experience. Whether it hurts or not, not everyone knows that I hate being an introvert.

Most people don't like quiet people because some quiet people are the worst. Although, not me. I hate being disregarded. I'd like it if I come to school and someone says a simple hello or tells me how nice my hair or shoes are.

No one knows that I wake up somedays regretting that I spoke to someone or acted a certain way with my crush. No one knows that if I hear a nice song that I like, I listen to it on repeat because I can escape to my fantasy with the boy I like and he'd be happy to hear what I'm saying.

That's why I don't like music sometimes. Once I hear a song, I can quickly fall for a boy and he'd be in my head and anytime I hear that song, I'd jump imagining sweet things that would never happen to me in real life.

But now, I'm trying to stop that. Songs are not supposed to be listened to because you like someone. You listen to get inspired from it and that's why I don't want to listen to any song for now cause I know I'd think of Grayson. And I don't want to.

Once I get home, I rush to my room to remove my clothes. I can't believe Michael touched me. Thank God I'm not wearing the hoodie today. Or my black jacket. I thought so much about Grayson that I forgot about it.

I put my clothes in a pile and I hate myself for what I'm about to do now but I don't think I want to see these clothes anymore. Anytime I look at it, I'd remember when Michael touched me. And it's disgusting.

That's why I felt uncomfortable all day. I picked up the match stick and when I got outside, I put the clothes on fire. Luckily, it's not one of my special clothes.

I watched the clothes catch fire and burn and I loved it. This reminded me of middle school when I burned my pencil because Michael used it.

I can't believe I hate someone to the extent that if he touches me, I'd destroy what he has touched. I don't really hate Michael.  Truth is, I don't just want to have him in my head. And if I keep having contact with him, I'll remember him every single time because I'm concerned about him in a friendly way not the way it is for Grayson.

I hate when people tell me that something I thought I had done well is bad or when I'm caught doing bad things.

But I don't really care when it comes to Michael.