SILENCE IS A COLOUR (Affinity Series)

Chapter Five.

My 'stay alone' strategy was working because I ignored everyone as usual. Although I wouldn't even call it ignore. People were ignoring me basically and I loved it.

Even now, at lunch, I'm sitting at my usual spot and thinking if I should eat the mashed potato or not. I had breakfast this morning, I don't see why I should eat this.

Besides, I can't stop thinking about Grayson all day. It was an awkward meeting and we had normal conversation but he had called me beautiful only for Michael to ruin things for me.

I'm so going to cut his hair.

I'm still contemplating if I should leave or not when a masculine figure appears before me. I look up to find Grayson with his food.

Why did he have to speak to me? There's a thing about liking someone so much that it's intense. It's a strange feeling, I know I'm not in love because I'm not yet ready for that but sometimes, I feel a crazy sense of attraction towards someone.

It's weird but it's there and with Grayson, it's different because whenever I feel this way towards a person, the person does not usually notice me.

He looks at me for a while and then smiles. "I came to apologize on behalf of my friend" he told me and I nearly choked on my saliva. Really? Is that even a thing? Grayson just attracted me to him. I didn't know if it was his green eyes or brown hair or the pointed look or the kindness that attracted me. The attraction, as I may call it, was there.

The irony of the situation was that I felt the same level of hatred for Michael. I don't even think Michael had to do anything to warrant that, even with his wonderful looks, I despised him.

"It's no problem." I want this conversation to end. I want to be anywhere but here. I want to walk out but I've already tried that and it'd be rude of me to do that. Again.

But my saving grace comes from the table I hate the most, the table for all the people that think they run the school.

I used to wonder why it was like that. Why was there a certain set of people in school that thought they run the school? It's a weird thing, I had to research it online and I found nothing. No one runs the school.

I watch as Grayson walks to his friends and for once, I wish I was on that table. Something is definitely wrong with me. I like the boy too much. The way he walks, his voice, his smile, his smell, everything. I've never felt like telling someone I liked them before.

It's almost like I have an inner extroverted part that wants to come out. The part that wants me to run across the room and stay close to Grayson even if I'm not going to speak with him.

So, I walk out of the cafeteria to clear my thoughts. It's just too much for me, I can't take it. All day, those green eyes have been in my head. I haven't had a crush on anyone that is as strong as this.

When people usually tell me stuff like this, I laugh them to scorn because I think they are just living fantasy.

The toilet is usually my rescue place when I feel this crazy. Once I look at the mirror, I would know what to do. I would be able to convince myself as to why my heart is so wrong. It has to work.

I lock the door to one of the stalls and let out a breath. My face was almost red in the mirror just from thinking about him. I hated this. There's no gain in this. This is senior year, I don't need this distraction. Even if he's the one that my heart lives for, I can't let Grayson come close to me.

He'd never understand. To him, he's just seeing a friend's sister and wants to be her friend. But it's way more than that.

I pick out a paper and write reasons why I should never like Grayson:

He's a player. Everyone knows that.
He's Michael's friend and all Michael's friends are officially my enemies.
He'd never notice me not now or in the future because of girls like Bianca. They are better than me.
Mom and dad would kill me.
It's a distraction. It's too much trouble and people to handle.
I'd look more weird around him. Even if his dumb friend is wrong, he'd support him.

I look through the paper and try to internalise what I wrote. This is it. My honest reasons.