Before

Hayden

CW: High expectations from family

Hayden had been under pressure for most of his life. His grandparents were both important people in the Main World, they weren't council members but they owned a company that provided resources throughout the Main World. They had stores across the world and they had started it themselves, and almost everyone in his family was a part of the business. His parents, even though they were separated, both owned separate stores. For him and his cousins, of which there were many, it was always a competition to see who would be the favourite. Hayden had always felt the pressure of having to be the best to even get a sliver of attention, having to get the best grades in school and needing to be perfect.

- - - - - -

The admin academy he went to was one that his mother and aunt had gone to, one of the first that was founded after the war. It was an academy that only let selected people through, the reason he had gotten in was because of his mother. He noticed that the other admin academies looked at them, he knew that his academy was known for being the academy for the rich. He found his time at the academy hard. He got along with everyone at the academy but he felt like an outcast even with his friends. Hayden was a people-pleaser through and through, for each of his professors he changed his personality slightly. Along with changing the way he acted with each of his family members, he felt like he lost himself like he didn't know who he truly was.

He had to deal with a lot of problems during the academy as well. Even around his friends, he didn't feel like he could be himself. Hayden always put a smile on his face each day, which caused him to have every emotion bottled up on the inside which led to some moments where he yelled out. He couldn't wait to get out of the academy after a while, the academy was a lead-on from his previous school so he also knew many of the students from beforehand but it also meant that he had known everyone for a long time. He always kept that perfect student look up at school, trying to keep pleasing everyone, it was so tiring. Eventually, he felt like it was a battle going on each day, sometimes he wished he could go to another academy where he wouldn't be known by anyone.

- - - - - -

When he moved closer to ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ he tried to start anew. He could have gone into the family business but he knew that if he did he would be stuck there, in a place where he would have to keep up the image of himself he didn't know if it was him. He enjoyed moving away, finding his own place where he could decorate it however he wanted, at the same time he had no idea what to do with it. He found a job pretty fast, he was working as a part of the admins who worked on new updates for the servers and the world around them in some cases. He wasn't in charge of the creation of new ideas but instead helped them make the code so they were compatible and did what they were supposed to. He enjoyed it but he also wanted something more, he wanted to be able to do something else on top of it.

- - - - - -

Hayden wasn't sure what to expect when he was going to visit the library one cold day. It certainly wasn't seeing an admin next to the staircase who didn't look like she had eaten a decent meal in a long time. "Hey, are you okay?" Hayden asked crouching down to be on the same level as the shivering admin.

The admin looked at him, he could see there was fear in her eyes, and she nodded her head. Hayden knew that she was lying so he said, "I'm Hayden and if you're not I have a spare bed at my place, even if you just want to spend a night there," Hayden said.
He reached his hand out to her, not being sure if she would take it but she looked like she needed help. He wasn't expecting her to actually agree, but he was glad that she did. She looked like she needed help. "Come on, let's get you warmed up," he said.

Luckily it wasn't a far walk as he wasn't able to teleport with her without knowing her name. When they got inside his apartment he showed her the spare bedroom he had and sat her down on the bed. "You can have a warm shower if you want, the bathroom is just down the hall, and I can grab some of my clothes, they'll be big on you though," Hayden said before he asked, "Do you have a name?"

"ℸ ̣ 𝙹∷||," the admin said.

- - - - - -

Tory became a constant in life, someone she could rely on, after that even if she had her own struggles, she never talked about what happened to her before Hayden had met her though. Hayden had learnt that she preferred speaking in galactic because of something that had happened but she preferred it when others spoke in the language of the players because hearing galactic made her uncomfortable. Tory was the first person that Hayden felt like he could be himself around, she laughed at all of his jokes even when they both knew they were bad, she could tell when he was feeling particularly bad and would be able to tell when he needed space or when he needed someone to be there for him even if he wasn't asking for it. After a while Tory ended up working with him as well, she had the admin skills needed and Hayden enjoyed working with a friend. Hayden was glad that he had someone who cared about him, not the mask that he put on whenever he talked to someone, but the one that was there behind closed doors, the one who had been hidden deep inside himself.

- - - - - -

Hayden was at work with Tory one day when the two of them were called into the council meeting room. He could tell that Tory was nervous, and he was too. He tried to push it down out of instinct, he tried to look brave for Tory but she squeezed his hand, showing that she knew that he was scared as well. When they went in they noticed that it was only the High Leader in the room, Hayden wasn't sure if that should make them more or less nervous. The High Leader flew down from her balcony and joined them on the ground. The two admins bowed towards their leader, not sure how to react, not sure why they were there in the first place. "Hayden Joris and Tory Gieli I am offering both of you places on the council," the High Leader said to the two admins.
Hayden didn't know what to think, if he wasn't sure that it was really the High Leader who was the person in front of him he would have thought it was a prank. He did always want something more so he decided why not and said, "Sure, I will be a part of the council,"

Tory then said, "ᒲᒷ ℸ ̣ 𝙹𝙹. ╎ ∴𝙹⚍ꖎ↸ ʖᒷ ⍑𝙹リ𝙹⚍∷ᒷ↸,"

- - - - - -

Hayden didn't really know why he decided to go and sit on the roof of ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ. He had been feeling off lately and he didn't know why. That was a lie he was telling himself, he knew that it was because he had been feeling not good enough like everything he did was worthless and that he wasn't living up to the expectations he set on himself. Normally he would go and talk to Tory about how he was feeling but he started to feel like he was a burden on her, after all, she had her own issues that she needed to deal with as well. He knew that he needed someone to be there for him, but he didn't feel like he could talk to anyone, not without being a burden to everyone after all. He was looking across at the Main World around him, seeing everything that had been built by the other council members, they did such a great job without him so why would they need him in the first place?

When he looked to the side he saw that the High Leader was flying up next to him. She sat next to him and turned to face him, she then asked him, "Are you okay Hayden?"

"No," Hayden said with his hands on his face, "It's the same feeling that I've had my whole life of not feeling like I've done enough. If I wanted my grandparents' attention I had to get amazing grades to the point where if I got the second-highest grade it felt like I had failed everyone. I changed myself to try and make everyone like me better to the point where I had lost myself for a long time. Meeting Tory helped me but being surrounded by all these people who have done so many amazing things and then being on the council who are supposed to be the best of the best... I guess it just brought up all of my feelings that I was never good enough and I didn't want to bother anyone else with problems that aren't as important as theirs,"

"Hayden, your problems are just as important as everyone else's and you're allowed to share them with others. Even if they have their own issues they still care about your problems as well. Your feelings are something that won't just go away but your worth isn't defined by what you do. You are very skilled at what you do but it isn't why I chose you for the council. Whenever you feel like this I recommend telling those around you, it helps to talk to others, but you don't have to if you don't want to," the High Leader said, giving Hayden a hug.

The High Leader left a few minutes later and Hayden thought maybe it was time he shared more rather than keeping everyone inside, he was glad that he talked to the High Leader even if he found it weird that he let out his feelings to the leader of everything. 

WC~ 1782