Happy Miserable Mess (FOB/Patrick Stump FanFic)

Chapter 9

As the five of us drove down the street, the radio was blasting and everyone was belting out the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "We're Never Ever Getting Back Together", everyone except me. I was just sitting in the backseat with my son and Joe, staring out the window in a daze. They all had smiles on their faces and were so in the moment that nothing could bring them down.

But me? No. I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. Did I have depression? Probably. Was I going to admit it? Probably not. Did I want to end up like her, keeping everything to myself until it became too much to handle? No. Was I going to the help I needed? I don't know.

Pete, who was driving, looked back at me in the rear view mirror. The smile he had on his face faded and he stopped singing.

"Come on, Patrick," He said, causing everyone in the car to stop singing. I met his gaze in the mirror as all eyes made their way over to me. "Stop looking so goddamn sad. We're going to fucking Disneyland and you look like you're going to prison!"

"Can you watch it with the swearing?" I retorted, not really responding appropriately, "I don't need Parker repeating those kind of words."

Pete rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the road.

"You really should cheer up, man," Joe remarked, leaning forward to look over at me, "At least for today. Then you can go back to moping around if you want, okay? But for today, cheer up, please? For us and for Parker. Put a smile on your face and at least act like you're having a good time."

I heaved a sigh before forcing a smile on my face, and through my clenched teeth, asked, "Better?"

"I could do without the sass, but yes, much better. Thank you," He replied before looking back out the window. I rolled my eyes.

This was going to be a long day...

*****

The five of us stayed at the park nearly the whole day. We went on - I'm pretty sure - all the rides. Well, Pete and Joe did. Some rides we couldn't all go on because of Parker, but I was okay with that because some of the rides made me a little sick and I didn't mind sitting down for at least ten minutes or more. Andy usually joined me because he didn't want to leave me alone or deprive Joe and Pete from having their few minutes of pure thrill and excitement after waiting in line for almost an hour.

It was around nine in the evening and we were wandering around the parking lot, Parker sitting on Andy's shoulders, trying to find Pete's car in the ocean of different vehicles.

"So," Pete wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked down the parking lot, pulling me closer to him, "Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah," I answered him, the corner of my lips curling upward into a smirk.

I really meant it too. I had a lot of fun and I was genuinely happy, something I hadn't been since she died. Hell, I didn't even think about her at all that day. I had no time to with my son and the guys dragging me all around and Parker's constant "potty breaks" because Pete kept buying him the biggest drinks they had in the park whenever he complained he was thirsty. I swear, Pete was such a softie when it came to kids, whether it be his own or his friends', he'd drop everything for them and probably even take the bullet for them.

I think that's why I was so miserable all the time back then, because I would sit in the house all day, surrounding by things of hers and what else was I to do, surrounded by her things, other than to think of her?

I'd wake up to the empty half of the bed and remember when I'd wake up and see her flawless face, the kind of face that looked just as beautiful without makeup as it did with, maybe even more beautiful. I'd make breakfast and remember when she and I would try and make something together but epically fail, both ending up with the kitchen and ourselves covered in flour. I'd look at Parker and see her in him, whether it be the way he acted or the way he did something, or sometimes I saw her in him by him just by being him.

But at the amusement park, away from the house, she was the last thing on my mind and it was nice.

Pete smirked, "I'm glad to hear that." He gave me a slight shake before retracting his hand to his side and sighing, "Now...dude, where's my car?"

"I think we already passed it, back there," Joe replied as the four of us stopped and all turned around, "Maybe." We shared a collective groan before going back in the direction we came from.

*****

I stood in the doorway with Parker - sound asleep from the long day he had - in my arms, my three friends standing out on the porch, about to leave.

"Call us this time, would you?" Pete asked, "We're going to pick up, if that's what you're worried about. Just don't shut us out again, Patrick. That's the last thing you need to do right now. Trust me."

"I know..." I murmured, slightly shifting my weight.

"Christmas is coming up too," Joe reminded me, "Maybe we can all get together again." He looked over at Pete and Andy, "It'll be fun. We can do a gift exchange or just hang out. As long as we're together." He glanced back over at me, "No one should be alone on a holiday like that."

"We'll talk about it later, okay?" I replied, not giving him a definite yes or no. He nodded his head, his curly hair bouncing ever so slightly.

"And if you ever want to come over to my place, you're more than welcome," Andy added, looking down at Parker, who he had become good friends with over the course of the day, "The little guy and I really seem to get along well, and I'd be more than happy to watch him for a little if you ever need a break or anything."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

Pete pulled out his phone and checked the time, "Well, it's getting late. We probably should be going." He looked up at me and asked, "Are you going to be okay, Pat?" I nodded my head. "You sure?"

I chuckled, "Pete, I'm thirty-two years old. I think I can handle being on my own."

He smiled, "Alright, Patrick. Just remember, I'm only a phone call away."

"Yes, I know, Pete. I'll call you. I promise."

He patted me on the shoulder before saying goodbye and walking over to his car. Joe and Andy followed suit. I closed the door behind them and went upstairs to put Parker to bed.

I walked into his bedroom and gently laid him down in his bed, still dressed in his clothes from the day. His head gently rested back on his pillow and I slowly slipped my arm out from underneath his neck. I sat back and heaved a sigh, pushing his hair out of his face.

"I know it's hard, Park," I whispered, really talking to myself rather than my son, "But it's going to be okay. Because I've got you and you've got me, and two out of three ain't bad when together we've got my friends. And as long as I remember I'm not alone, that there are people out there who want to help me, who are willing to help me, I'm going to make it through this. We're going to make it through this."  I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.