Happy Miserable Mess (FOB/Patrick Stump FanFic)

Chapter 11

Author's Note: Hey guys! Apologies for posting this a day late. The internet was acting up at my house for the past day or two and I literally couldn't get on until today (I was having such first world problems, it's embarrassing). Anyways, hope you like this chapter and thanks for reading! -Rachael

After yet another sleepless night (this time waking up at three twenty-seven, I swear I should've kept a record or something), I made the spontaneous decision to take a trip back home to Chicago. I had this crazy desire to drive there, why? I honestly have no idea. I think I believed that a more-than-a-day trip would help me clear my mind.

Of course, this decision also brought on another issue: whether or not I was going to bring Parker with me. I ultimately chose to drag him along, rationalizing that he'd keep me company and bring me back when my mind went to dark places. Sure, I didn't go to as dark of places as she used to, but ever since she passed...it just kind of happened without me even realizing it. That's one of the reasons I hadn't talked to anyone after the funeral.

So there we were, Parker and I, on the road in my car, five hours into the twenty-nine hour drive. Twenty-nine hours if we didn't stop, that is, which wasn't going to happen when my son needed to stop and go to the bathroom nearly every forty-five minutes.

"Are we there yet?" He asked me, swinging his legs back and forth in his car seat.

I sighed and met his gaze through the rear view mirror, "For the eighth time, Park, no. I'll tell you when we're there."

He sat there for a minute before continuing his interrogation, "Where are we going?"

"We're going to where Mommy and Daddy lived before moving to where you and I live now."

"Where's that?"

"Chicago.  You've been there once before." Recently too.

"Why?"

God, did he love to ask that question when he was growing up, hell, even when he was older. He got it from her, his curiosity.

I swallowed hard, my grip on the steering wheel tightening, "Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I wanted to."

I was starting to regret taking Parker with me, but I didn't want to leave him with my mom again. I mean, I'm sure she would've watched him without any questions asked, she loved the kid to death - I remember she even offered to take care of him for me if it came down to me not being able to raise him anymore (yeah, the depression I didn't want to admit I had got that bad at one point) - but I just didn't want to bother her again. I felt so dependent on her, and she'd done enough already. Plus, it wasn't fair to him for me to be gone for so long so many times. It was bad enough with touring, I didn't need to make it worse by not spending time with him when I wasn't touring.

"Will Mommy be there? Is she awake yet, Can we see her?"

I heaved a sigh, "I don't know." Parker crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at me. I scoffed, "What's that look for? I said I don't know!"

"I want to see Mommy..." He whined,  averting his gaze out the window to the barely-there scenery that was flying by us as we cruised down Route 66. I shook my head and returned my attention to the road, turning up the volume on the radio a few notches and leaning back in the seat, preparing myself for the long ride ahead of us.

*****

I stood outside on someone's porch in the middle of the night, around ten o'clock, with Parker passed out in my arms. I had rung the doorbell and was waiting for someone to answer the door. I bit my lip nervously as I looked around, taking in the unfamiliar neighborhood, before the door swung open.