exile

two.

We arrived at hogwarts which seemed rather quickly. plenty of bickering and snide remarks coming ron , harry , and hermione. Hermione showed us some new spells that caused the lights to go out on the train and everyone shrieked. even the slytherines.

"miss figgins your bags dear" the tall man smiles pulling my bags out and handing them to me. i give him a soft "thank you" and follow the others back onto campus grounds. i look up taking the giant castle in and listening to the first years banter about which house they will be in. seeing friends and lovers reunite, i smile at them.

a hand grabs mine and tugs at my arm, "cmon josie i want a good seat" hermione says walking rather quickly through the halls to the dining area where everyone will be sorted.

the chatter was so loud in the large room i sucked a deep breath in. i haven't heard talk this loud in months, considering i've been sitting in silence for months by myself on the beach.

it was calming. peaceful. everything i needed to try and start healing.

this... this just feels so incredibly overwhelming. like im drowning and can't come up from underwater. i'm standing here in the middle of the room looking around frantically. hermione and them already took a seat not noticing i was missing. no. no. i can't do this right now, i can't be here. i shouldn't even have came back.

i took two quick steps backwards and my back collided with a hard chest. my breaths are quick and heavy and i turn around to apologize and grey eyes are staring down at me.

he looked angry. like he could place a hex on me right this second because my Gryffindor clothes touched his slytherine clothes. but then, it softens when he sees the look on my face.

"i-i'm sorry i just.. wasn't.. and i can't.." i'm saying between breaths and he grabs my wrist and pulls me out in the hallway. i wanna smack at his hands to get the absolute fuck off me but right now i feel like i'm going to pass out. and right now, i don't give a shit who's hands are pressed on my shoulders holding me up against the wall.

"breathe. you need to breathe slowly." he says and his hands grab mine pulling them to his chest, "follow mine. feel when i take a breath and you do so at the same time ... hey.. FIGGINS. you need to calm down" he almost yells gripping my wrists tighter and the pain takes away from my breathing as i look at my hands to his chest and watch as mine rise with his chest and fall when his does.

i take a few quick breaths here and there but eventually, i'm breathing slow and calm. with my hands pressed against malfoys chest. because if anyone in this school gets it...

"there you go figgins... just breathe. you're fine." he says and i look up at him and his grey eyes are more blue. he lets go of my wrists as my hands fall down to my side.

his hand grabs my chin and makes me look up at him, bloody hell when did he get so tall.

"you're fine. you had a panic attack, do they happen often?" he asks and i nod. because ever since my parents died i have this never ending feeling of doom in my chest.

"okay.." he sighs and rubs his face, his pretty face.

wait. pause. what?

"go back inside.." he says and starts walking down the hallway.

"M-Malfoy." i say to him and he stops before turning around slowly looking at me, "thanks.." i say and he just nods and shoves his hands in his pocket and walks away. i wipe the sweat off my forehead and go back into the dining hall and find my friends.

"josie where did you go?" ron asks and i shake my head, "bathroom" i mumble and he nods.

i sit down on the hard bench and look up at all the professors and headmaster getting ready to stand up and do his every year beginning of the year speech. i zone out through it as i've heard it now 7 times. everyone claps and cheers as they bring the sorting hat out.