exile

nine

october 5

it's officially been a week of blaise and hermione fake dating and i think the vein on rons forehead is about to burst open. we're all sitting in the grand hall waiting on dumbledore as we've all be called here. it's also been a week since the last time i've spoken to malfoy.

"i mean, blaise zabini has granger lost her mind??" neville says across the table and ron shoots him a glare.

"i think they are quite nice together" luna says and picks up her juice, not quite reading the room.

i glance over and see she's in a deep conversation with.. malfoy. and she reaches up and flicks him in the forehead to make him pay attention to her. i wish that was me, sitting there with the snakes talking to him.

i look over to the professors who are now standing as dumbledore enters the room.

"silence!" he booms across the room and everyone is quick to shut up and look his way.

"there has been... a change in the curriculum.." he says and everyone starts looking around at eachother.

oh merlin's sake not another class..

he's rambling on and on about gods know what and then.."with that being said.. seventh years will now return for an eighth year!" he says and everyone gasps. but this.. i... we were supposed to be done i was supposed to be done with this fucking place. i was supposed to start over and start my life in june.

my hands are shaking, "well atleast we have another year together, right?" luna says and harry... harry looks like he's about to throw up or pass out, or both im not sure yet.

"i'll be back.." he whispers getting up to go towards dumbledore.

"josie" a soft hand is placed on my shoulder and i feel them sit next to me.

i turn and look at her, "wanna go home?" she asks and i nod. i know she doesn't mean home home, she means our dorm but YES i want to go bloody home. and if anyone understands how i'm feeling right now it's her, because she spent the whole summer persuading me to come here by her saying "it's just one more year and you're done you're free"

but that's not true anymore. i pick up my stuff and follow her down the hallways, my hands are shaking and she's holding one and i'm grateful she doesn't ask or say anything about it. we're walking and she's going on and on about how snape snapped at a Hufflepuff today and she doesn't understand what he has against them.

all i can do is nod along to the conversation, i feel like my air is being constricted, another fucking year. another year i have to do this i have to be.. someone i'm fucking not. i didn't even realize we made it back in the room and hermione sits me on the bed.

"you're okay.." she whispers pulling my robes off me and then my shoes. she's soft and slow with her movements like i'm a mouse that will run and be scared. her eyes are searching my face but i know what she's seeing. she saw it for months. empty and dead.

"lay down josalynn." she tells me and the soft push of her hands guide me to the pillow. i'm clearly having a panic attack but it's silent, the worst ones. they take hours to be pulled out of. all i can do is close my eyes and shake as she pulls the covers up.

"i'll be right here, you just rest okay" her hand is in my hair as she's playing with it. she stays that way for hours i'm sure, i'm unaware of the time that has gone. my muscles ache from the shaking but it doesn't subside.

oh my gods another fucking year.

"think about it josalynn.. one more year.. that's it! a couple of months , the holidays, your birthday, some silly classes and then you can do it. you can move on from this life and start the one you want. you can open your candle store and start living" hermione presses into my head as i'm looking at the letter from hogwarts, it's my supplies list.