The Prices I Pay ((MIKE ZACHARIAS X ERWIN SMITH X OC))

Chapter 29

Night had fallen by the time Levi and the MPs arrived on Silica's doorstep, and in their midst was a letter addressed to Silica.

It was allegedly found in Nora's nightstand, and all Silica could seem to do was stare at it from its place sitting on her kitchen table. The house was quiet as Silica and Levi sat there. The anticipation in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife, and Silica could feel Levi's eyes on her as the silence continued.

"Silica," Levi said. His voice sounded loud in her ears. "You have to open it at some point."

"I know," Silica narrowed her eyes without looking at him. "I just... need to think about what to expect."

Levi hummed at that as he leaned back in his chair. The quiet thus began again, and scenarios on what may have caused Nora's death rushed through Silica's head. The one thing she didn't want to accept stuck out in her mind, and she inwardly grimaced once she finally snatched Nora's letter off the table.

She tore it open before she could change her mind, and scowled at the piece of paper once it was out in front of her. Her fingers crumpled the edges as she skimmed through Nora's cursive handwriting, and sucked in a sharp breath when she folded the letter back up again.

"Well?" Levi leaned forward to try to catch her eye. She still didn't look at him.

"She killed herself," Silica's voice sounded dense when she finally lifted her head, and instead of seeing a grief stricken face like Levi had been expecting, he was greeted with her scowling and gritting her teeth. "She took arsenic and killed herself."

"Why would she do that?" Levi appeared to be troubled by the news.

"Beats the hell outta me," Silica burst from her chair and proceeded to pace the room. She raked her fingers through her hair as she stared at the floor. "All it says is what she did, not why she did it. I just... why would she leave Peter? I can't understand."

"He wasn't her child?" Levi guessed. The mere thought made her seethe.

"He was still her responsibility!" Silica snapped unintentionally and threw her hands in the air. "She left him to the wolves! She didn't know we'd take him in the way we did. She could have had him out on his own! He's six years old!"

"Silica, keep your voice down," Levi met her across the room and took her by the shoulders. "I know this is a tough topic for you, but what's done is done. At least we know the kid'll be better off under your care anyway."

Silica's shoulders slumped when she realized that he was right, and she didn't resist him when he pulled her into a hug.

"I'll come see you again in the morning," he promised whilst giving her one last squeeze before letting her go. "Will you be alright?"

"I think so," Silica offered him a weak smile. "Erwin is here."

Levi hummed. "Right. Try to get some rest."

Silica watched as he went, and didn't move from the place she stood for a long time. She could feel herself falling deeper into disassociation the longer she stood there, but couldn't seem to unanchor her feet from the floor. The thoughts racing in her head were deafening, and she hugged herself tightly as she thought of all the things Peter could be feeling — of all the things she herself had felt. The whole situation threw her head first into all of the feelings she had spent her life running away from, and before she could stop it, thick tears began to roll down her cheeks.

She rose a trembling hand to cover her mouth, and backed herself into the corner that her bookshelf created against the wall. She slid down to the ground beneath her as the tightness in her chest worsened, and she held her breath to stifle any audible crying. Her heart jackhammered violently in her chest, and before she could even comprehend what was happening, she was suddenly that terrified little girl again whose mother sold and abandoned her.