꧁𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂'𝒔 𝑩𝒐𝒚꧂

Chapter 12

Raphael sat in his room, thinking about what Leo had said. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to be sad, and he knew he was supposed to be just as distraught as Mikey and Leo about this whole thing, but. . He couldn't. And he felt horrible about it, angry at himself for being so confused. Angry that he couldn't even fathom the fact that his little brother was gone, with a possibility of never returning.

He teared up, sitting in the corner of his guest room with his legs pulled to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. His large tail rested beside him, eyes watering with confusion and anger and a plethora of other emotions that he couldn't decipher. He finally decided that he couldn't hold it back anymore, and broke down into a quiet, heavy sob. God. . Am I a bad brother—? I ain't even upset about Donnie literally dying while Leo had to watch. . . Even if it was a dream. . What if it was a sign? What if it's one of them future telling thingies?

He hiccuped, shoulders rocking slightly as his breath stuttered in a failed attempt to regulate. He dug his claws into his arm frustratedly, tail curling around his ankles and vision blurring.

Turns out Leo and Mikey must have overheard it all when passing by, because the next thing Raph knew was that they were in front of him, and they were worried. He hid his face in his knees, ashamed that they had to see him like this, that they had to see him at his lowest. He was supposed to be their protector, damnit!

"Hey big guy, what's wrong?" Leo spoke in a low voice, frowning worriedly as he watched the snapper let out another sob. His hand rested on Raph's arm, causing the snapper to tense a bit before relaxing shortly after.
"I- it's- it's nothin', don't worry 'bout it—" Raph sniffled, attempting to stop his tears from leaving his eyes. It was no use, though, the streams just continued.
"No, no it's not. Don't make me bring out doctor feelings, Raphie." Mikey sat beside him, nudging his shoulder gently.
"Yeah, you're crying, you never cry for no reason. What's up big guy?" Leo sat on his other side, hand still rested on his arm.

Raph sighed, using his free arm to wipe his eyes as he lifted his head and rested his chin on his knees. "It's just— I'm not sure how to feel about this whole thing. . Raph knows he's supposed to feel sad but- but he just can't for some reason. . I don't know— It's like I'm trying to believe it ain't true—" He sniffled again, lowering his legs ever so slightly and pulling his arms into his lap to fiddle with his hands.

"You're in denial." Mikey spoke, patting his shoulder. "It's okay, it's okay to be confused, to feel like none of this is real. It's perfectly normal." The box turtle assured him calmly. He shifted in his spot a bit.
"Yeah, we all cope in different ways man, like me, I use my amazing humor and world-famous one-liners." Leo grinned.
Raph stifled a small chuckle, smiling and looking at him, then at Mikey. "Sure, Leo. Keep tellin' yourself that." He looked back at the slider, earning an offended gasp and a faux hurt expression.
"Yeah! And I use my art and sparkling optimism to cope!" Mikey smiled brightly, giving a thumbs up and then sticking his tongue out at the slider.
"Thanks, guys. . I guess you're right—" The snapper replied, then abruptly lifted his arms and wrapped them around his younger brothers, yanking them into a big Raph bear hug.

They hugged him back, patting his shell softly to help. Splinter and Big Mama walked in, having heard the talking and wanting to make sure they were alright.
"Are you boys alright? Did something happen?" Splinter asked upon noticing the tear tracks on Raph's face.
"Nah, we're alright pops. Just- just talkin'." Raph looked up at them with a reassuring smile.
"Well, perhaps we could. . Join you?" Big Mama asked, a slightly nervous twinge to her tone. Splinter nodded along in agreement.

The large snapper looked down at his brothers, who nodded in response to show their approval of the request. He lifted his head and nodded, opening his arms for them to join in on the hug.
The two happily obliged, sitting down beside him and letting themselves be pulled into a big bear hug with the others.
"So, what were you boys talking about exactly?" Splinter suddenly spoke, pulling away from the hug and sitting cross-legged in front of the group.
"Just talking about some emotional stuff. Nothing too important." Mikey replied for Raph and waved it off, noticing that the snapper couldn't find his words.
"Ah, good, well I'm certainly glad you are alright." Big Mama patted the red-clads shoulder and earned a nod of agreement from the rat.