chaelaurent's book of drafts & drabbles

Always. - Excerpt from 'The Bodyguard'

(Rosé's POV)

Oh my god... I still love her.

The realization hits me at the same time that the word "always" escapes my lips, and it turns me stone-cold sober. I look down at our intertwined hands and suddenly find it impossible to let go.

Always.

The word echoes around the corridors of my brain as my eyes tear up. Something like an epiphany has struck me with this word, an enlightening moment that explains the powerful thoughts and emotions in my mind and heart: I would stay with Y/N always because I love her.

Truthfully, it is not because I ever stopped. However tainted our love may have been for the past few years, it still existed. Painful as that love was to carry in our hearts.

You can put a lid on the love pot. You can hide your feelings out of spite, anger, and sadness. You can lock your heart in a cage or a cell and tell yourself that this is what is necessary. But just because you become an expert in hiding and dismissing your feelings — even from yourself — does not mean that love ever disappears. True love, in whatever conditions it may be living in, will continue to live on.

...

But even as I lay right beside Y/N now — no matter how physically close with our touch, she still feels far away. It's depressing because she's  so drunk, completely out of it. My hand reaches her chest, and I'm wondering if this heartbeat I feel still beats for me. I want to believe it, I really do. But everything changed from the moment she looked straight into my eyes and told me she didn't want me anymore. I saw a new side of her, one that could leave me and move on so easily.

I'm as terrified as the night I was when we first shared a bed on the tour. Maybe even more so this time around because, back then, I put forth my trust in Y/N no matter how scared I was. I placed my blind faith in her because that same faith had me believing I deserved real love, and life was just supposed to be that generous.

I don't have that same trust or blind faith anymore. It's been broken, tampered with. That isn't to say that my trust has been broken beyond repair, but I'm going to need some assurance, lots of time, and a real reason to believe I can trust Y/N again.