Never Loved Before

Five

                                    Everything hurts. My chest was painfully tight. It was making my breathing difficult. My anger suppressed it. Shouldn't she talk to me? She should ask me before assuming things. Now I understood the sudden change in her demeanor. 

     There was dead silence in the car. I twisted the key to ignite it. My mind was blocked. I was extremely happy seeing her in the bookstore. That was the best surprise. I was planning to go to Canada after my brother's wedding. She should have talked to me instead of looking insecure. She hurt me unintentionally. I just didn't wanna talk to her right now. I am afraid of saying something I shouldn't. 

      "Rio, I'm sorry."  She whispered, her voice thick with emotions. 

      I clenched my hands from stopping myself from plucking her off the seat and smacked my lips on her. I willingly wanted her to attend the wedding of my brother with me in Las Vegas. But she would be busy attending her friend's wedding. 

       My heart thundered in my chest as I heard her crying in a muffled tone. "Attend your friend's wedding. We'll talk later. How many days are you here?" I forced the words out. I was very careful what I was saying. I didn't want to say something hurtful. 

       "I'm going to find a job after her wedding. It's not for a few days." Her voice broke. 

      I slammed my fist on the steering wheel. "When were you going to tell me? Do you even have a place to live?" I asked through my clenched teeth. I hadn't felt so much anger in my entire life. Not even when Janette left me. She didn't say anything. "I could guess. Never! You didn't even inform me that you're here." I stopped myself from slamming my hand again. I didn't need to look at her to know that I had scared her. The love, and emotions I felt for her kept me from yelling at her. Job! She didn't need a job. I earned enough for us. "Have you ever trusted me, Shelly?" I genuinely wanted to know this. 

       "What would you have done if..." I didn't let her complete it. 

       "I would have fucking trust you." I pulled over the car and turned in my seat in frustration. 

       Her head was cast low, her hair was hiding her face. She is very precious to me. Would she ever know this? She is looking stunning in the dress. It is lying perfectly on her curves. I wanted to do things that I shouldn't. Though I know she is shy. 

      "I wouldn't be here if I didn't." She stared at me with tearful eyes. 

       I couldn't peel my eyes off her tear-streaked face. I drew my face closer to her and kissed her cheek softly. "You couldn't hide the doubt in your eyes, Sugar." I ran my knuckles on her cheek down to up. She is as beautiful as I have always imagined her. 

       I pulled myself back and accelerated the car before I did something I shouldn't have. I wasn't going to hurt her. I had waited for this day to come, her being so close to me. I wanted to spend the night holding her hand, staring at her sleeping.

      I turned to her again. I ran my thumb on her lower lip. I could feel her tremble. I pulled my hand back. 

      It was silent in the car. I was cursing myself for being a jerk to her. I need to rein in my anger. I pulled over the car. 

       She unbuckled herself. I grasped the steering tighter deterring myself from doing something stupid, scaring her more like pulling her to my lap. 

       Her soft hand lay on my thigh. I felt her weight. She was light weighed. My grip tightened around the steering wheel. I watched my knuckles go white as I held myself looking straight at her.