IF ONLY. marichat | ✔️

epilogue

 A/N: i am so sorry

-barcelony

If Only

After Marinette watched the life spool out of her dearly deceased, she remembered that akuma's were still running rampant. With no choice, she left Adrien where he laid and hid to transform. Her heart burned with anguish, but she had to push the feeling down for the sake of Paris. Grief slipped out of her in waves nonetheless, crushing her. The reality that her partner, her lover, and her friend had all been taken away from her at once.

The pain was more than she could bare. More than she'd ever felt before. She wiped her swollen eyes, finding the other superheroes.

Carapace offers her a victorious smile, all the Parisian's enveloped in his shield unable to escape. The heroes had managed to maintain Stormy Weather and Simon Says. Ladybug sweeps through cracking the items, containing the akumas.

She catches the evil winged creature. "Got you," opening her yoyo, she releases the akuma, a white butterfly now. "Bye, bye, little butterfly."

Throwing the parasol in the air, she yells,"Miraculous Ladybug."

A choked sob escapes her while she watches the butterflies renew parts of the city. Rena Rouge approaches her, placing a soft hand on her shoulder. Whispering in her ear, she asks if she's okay. Ladybug doesn't even attempt a facade.

"He's g-g-gone," she mumbles, lips trembling.

"Who? Did you- did you get Hawkmoth?"

"No- I mean, yes but that's not-"

"Really? Guys, we got Hawkmoth!" Rena Rouge alerts the whole team, a few drawing closer, clapping at the achievement.

A rage brews inside Ladybug at not being able to acknowledge what was, what had, what's gone.

"But, girl, why are you sad? Is he dead?"

Ladybug can't control the emotions that overtake her at the mention of that word. The way it's used so coldly. How she used to use the word the same way. Her body heaved with sobs that ached in her stomach. When she became aware of the superheroes crowding her in hugs, she dried her eyes as the tears pooled onto her cheeks. The cycle continued until there were none left.

Once Ladybug gained composure she told them. "Chat Noir is dea-" She shook her head, her body making more tears.

Rena Rouge pulled her in, hugging her tight. "You don't need to continue."

"He was a bad guy though, right? Did you have to do it?" King Monkey questioned.

In a way, she had. Chat Noir only got in the middle because he didn't understand their plan. Because he had something to prove. Because she hadn't forgiven him.

"Give us a moment, okay?" Rena Rouge told the group of superheroes. "Go help Aurore, she's probably disoriented."

They dissipate, going back to their standpoints.

Rena Rouge and Ladybug stay together in comforting silence, an unspoken understanding between them. The cut was deeper than any of those teenagers could fathom. The twisted love story they had, all for it to be ripped away from her. Ripped out of her heart. When Ladybug found the courage, she gave a concise version of what happened.

"Well, do you think after you use your powers for Simon Says, it'll bring him back?"

Ladybug's eyes lit up, hope shimmering wildly in her irises. "I think- I think so."

Ladybug sped through the process, watching the white butterflies sprinkle across Paris. Her heart thuds in her chest, an intuition ever-present as she zipped back to Adrien. When she returned, the spot was empty. She couldn't understand it. Mind flooded with thoughts, doubts started to surface. Had his body been swept away, not seen as destruction?

"M'lady, are you feline alright?"

She stills, in disbelief despite what she'd hypothesized. Slowly, turning around she sees Chat fucking Noir, staring at her, handsome as ever. She runs into his arms, peppering him with kisses. Tears fly onto him, his presence still surreal to her.

"Did you miss me?"

Ladybug tries to give a witty remark, but she just cries harder, overcome with relief.

"I love you so much. None of this was ever your fault. I'm the dumb one for not falling in love with you sooner."

"That's right, you alley cat," she fists his suit,"I thought I'd lost you."

"You can never lose me, princess. I'm right here," he points to her chest where her heart is.

She laughs through her tears. "That was so sappy."

"You're one to talk."

Ladybug playfully punches his arm, at a loss for words.

He scoops her up, taking her for a ride like he had when she was Marinette. She embraces him, cozying into his chest, arms tight around his neck. She holds onto this feeling never wanting to let go.

Heat seeps into her skin, agitating her. "You feel that? Think this is a new akumatized villain?"

Chat Noir wrinkles his face. "My da- Hawkmoth is dead."

She scratches her head. "But you're here."

He doesn't respond.

Marinette jumps out of her sleep, the dream once again over. Her heart falls, the hope that glittered was now dimmed and dull. She grits her teeth, wishing to go back to sleep. Wishing to go back in time. Wishing that had been how things ended.

But it wasn't. Not even close.

After Rena Rouge had suggested that her powers as Ladybug might restore Adrien's life, she'd hopelessly clung onto that belief knowing no other way to cope with his death. She ran, rooftop to rooftop praying it was true.

Adrien was still there, his body gone cold. His skin pale, drained of blood. It wasn't her kitty, couldn't be. Before her, was something else. It was like watching him die all over again. She removed the miraculous from him and Hawkmoth, then alerted the police. It was all she could do. As one of the cities reigning heroes, helplessness wasn't a feeling she had often.

It didn't work- why didn't it work?

She wracked her brain, desperate for the truth. Tikki later explained that it was because his death wasn't the result of any destruction the akumas did. Oh, that killed a part of her. Nothing could save him.

What could've saved him, was telling him the game plan. She hadn't trusted him, but maybe he hadn't fully trusted her. Maybe that's part of the reason he turned on her to begin with. That's all she had left, maybes and assumptions. That and memories.

If only, they could've created new memories together now that they'd finally laid all their cards out on that table. In the end, it was always him, no matter how you spin it. She was inexplicably in love with that man.

If only, they'd had a real chance.

THE END