love and rage - solby

your eyes n my lies

colby <3

sam laid next to me, asleep. i had seen his wrist and he'd told me the story. i wanted to hold him and tell him it would all be okay, but i know once this trip is over things are going back to the same way they were.

i didn't want to let sam go yet- firstly with seeing how his dad treated him and then, fuck. ever since i heard their argument i kinda suspected this, but he really confirmed my worst fears with that.

i decided not to make things weird between us, so i pushed him to wake him up. he mumbled a small "no."

i rolled my eyes, peppering kisses all over his face and his neck. he smiled and pushed my face lightly, covering his face from me.

"what, colby.."
"breakfast?"

sam nodded slowly, getting up and stretching slowly. he pulled my hoodie on again, keeping his sweatpants on. i was wearing a blank tank and sweats. i swiped the key card and my wallet, taking sam's too.

just as we were about to enter the elevator, jake webber strolls down the hall with tired eyes and fucked up hair. he was wearing baggy ripped black jeans with a black tank top and a black sweater. his dark hair swooped infront of his eyes.

"mmh, sup sammy g." he looked over to me. "and good morning colby."

sam have him a weird look.
"what's up with you?"

jake shrugged.
"just real hungover and i'm still high as fuck."
"did you do fucking weed?!" sam asked, obviously getting pissed at the half assed responses from jake.
"naw. just a little, maybe." jake admitted.

sam rolled his eyes.
"you look like shit." he said.
"thanks" jake responded quietly.

"where are you going? where's johnnie?" i asked him, looking around in case he'd come around the corner. jake shrugged.

...

downstairs, sam was complaining again about having to eat the hotel food. he was being a little annoying but i didn't really care that much.

"how can you even eat it, it's just..no."
"you're so hot."

sam stopped for a second and looked up at me, his face red. he tried to continue talking but he could only get like two words out because he was stuttering so bad.

"let's go to subway and get something." i said, slipping an arm around his waist and pulling him next to me.

"okay.."

as we were walking out of the hotel, we saw jake again, smoking a cigarette. sam groaned in annoyance.

apparently he tried to get jake to stop smoking and he promised he stopped, but he obviously lied because he was smoking right now.

sam walked over to him to confront hin.

"jake what the fuck are you doing?"
he blew out a puff of smoke in the opposite direction of sam's face.

damn, he's a pretty respectful smoker.
i thought. normally when smokers are annoyed, or at least in my family, they blow it in your face.

"smoking." he responded bluntly.
sam was pissed at his response.

"jake you said you quit, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"baby i've been smoking since 14 you have no idea how hard it is to just quit." he said, his tone lined with anger.

i looked between the two, not knowing if i should break it up or not.

"fuck you jake! i tried to help you, and you- you just don't fucking listen!" sam yelled. i pushed forward to hold sam's arm, so he'd calm down a little. it didn't help.

"tried to help me? what the shit does that even mean?? you told me to stop four times and that's it!" jake argued back.

"sam just leave it, let's go." i told him, and he looked over at me and sighed.
"okay."

i gave jake an apologetic glance, and my gut tightened when i saw him bringing his hands up to his hair to grab a handful and tug.

i should call johnnie later.

— on call

"hey man, it's colby."
"oh hi colby."
"have you seen jake today?"
"oh yeah, this morning. he was kinda hungover. why?"
"can you go check on him like..right now? if you can?"
"oh shit what happened?"
"uh, sam and jake got into a fight and he doesn't look okay."
"oh fuck, yeah where is he?"
"pretty sure he's still outside the hotel entrance."
"fuck, okay yeah thanks colby."
"bye johnnie."
"see ya."

— off call

"why did you call johnnie?" sam asked, looking over at me. why was he still mad??

"because jake needs a friend to help him out right now."
sam rolled his eyes, now pissed at me.

"i'm his friend too?!"
i rolled my eyes. i loved sam but i really remember his typical want to fight with me.
"not everything is about you, sam."

sam huffed angrily.
"fuck you."

i didn't really know what to say. it was weird. last night he was crying in my arms but now he's rolling his eyes and telling me shit? i'm so confused.

"sam what's wrong?"
i asked him, and to admit i was scared of his response.

"i just don't want things to change."

he wasn't making any sense.

"sam?"

he avoided eye contact for a moment, so i pulled his face back to me, and his eyes found mine.

"colby."

"sam, are you.."

i trailed off, not knowing how to ask my next question.

i remembered being in sam's spot before and my mom was the only reason i'm not still in that hole. sam was a walking reflection of me two years ago and i don't want him to be in the same place i was then.

but the thing is, he's in too deep.

"sam do you want to kill yourself?"

word count: 971

a/n : so! i'm not dead, i just took a long, long, very long break and i apologize y'all 🙏 but i am back in business and i know this is kind of short but it's all i could get out for now. please enjoy this lazy piece of shit i'm so sorry that it's so short..also i'm posting a shit OBX fanfic in a bit, go to that book for more info!!

love yall SO SO SO SO SO much!!

texas 🫡