Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce (Tayvis) One-Shots

36.0: somehow you know. (tw)

TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE

inspiration & lyrics: can't sleep at night by lisa lavie

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you hear me, my soul, my hurt, my cries. baby, somehow you know. and when i can't go on, i feel you near me. reflecting on my thoughts and what i say. somehow you know. now could this be real? seems i'm lost in a maze. they told me time will heal, but i still feel the same.

Taylor parked her car, and picked up the single flower from her passenger seat. It had become a habit for her, every since Travis died that she visited his grave site at least once a month. Some months it was more frequent than others, but once was the minimum. October 3rd, had marked the anniversary of his death, and though she had visited his grave site then, she had things she wanted to get off of her chest. Sure, she had friends that she could tell, but she figured they were too busy with their lives to even attempt to sit and talk to her about her problems.

She got out of her car, locked the doors, and made her way into the cemetery. Walking down a few rows, she noticed that there were a few new plots that were freshly dug. She couldn't bare to look at them too long, it would bring back the memories of the day that Travis was laid to rest. It was one of the hardest days for her to get through, and once it was over, she didn't want to go back to it. It was a closing of a chapter in her mind, that's how she felt, that's how she wanted to keep feeling.

She approached his grave, and sat down in front of it, crossing her legs. She placed the flower on her lap, and stared at his name engraved in the headstone, eventually running her fingers over it. "Hey, my love. I miss you." She started off the way she always did. "I know you're day was probably AMAZING, because it couldn't be anything else BUT amazing right?" The wind blew and she smiled, it was her way of knowing that he was there with her. That he was listening to her every word, and that he cared. No matter how still the day was, the wind would blow at the right times. It was his spirit, and she knew it. "Heaven and I watched a video that we recorded on your last day of college. It was so cute. She kept saying 'Mommy, that's my daddy!' She knows. She loves you. She loves to look at pictures of you before she goes to sleep now. I think she's starting to understand that you're gone. My mom thinks she doesn't, but I feel to believe she does." She paused and pushed a curl behind her ear.

"Speaking of my mom. Can you believe that my mom and dad are thinking about getting a divorce? How can they do this to us? They adopted me, and Austin so that we ALL could have a happy family. How could they just say 'oh, fuck this whole family thing' all of a sudden? It defeats the purpose. I don't even know where it all went wrong." She could feel the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and the wind blew again. "What if they are getting a divorce because of us? What if adopting us was the worst thing they could have done and now its affecting their happiness? They have been together for like 30 years. How can they just up and throw that all away? I don't understand."

"I wish you were here to tell me everything would be alright. That everything happens for a reason, and that I am just overreacting." She knew all of those things, but being told by another person was more assuring than her telling herself. "I love you, and I miss you soooo much. I just wish you were here, you were the only person that really ever understood me. I don't even know who I can trust anymore, and though I may call other people my best friends, there is only ONE you, and I just want you to come back. I need you, Trav. Heaven needs you. We both need you like HELL." She set there for a moment, wallowing in self-pity before her mood seemed to flip. She looked up at his name on the grave as tears began to freely flow from her eyes.

"I hate you, Travis. I do. I hate you for leaving me! I hate you for leaving us behind like this. You said it was me and you forever. What happened to that? What happened to you NEVER leaving me?" She got up from her spot and threw the flower she had at his name before storming off. She was irate. She wanted her friend back, she wanted her boyfriend back, but more importantly, she wanted somebody she could talk to. Not somebody that was a fake friend, one second they loved her and wanted to be around her, then the next it was like they didn't give a fuck. She wanted something stable, and it seemed like all she had as of late, was herself, and Heaven, and the feeling of being alone was setting in. She was starting to think it was God's way of telling her, that she wasn't good enough, and the thoughts of suicide were starting to cross her mind. But she wasn't willing to leave behind her daughter. She knew she had to erase that thought entirely. Heaven needed her. Heaven needed her to teach her that her father was a great person.

As she got into her car the tears started to dry on her face. She had to pull herself together. She was allowing herself to break down now and now only. She wiped her tears from her face and looked out into the rows of graves over to Travis'. She got out of her car and walked back over to his grave. She knelt down, picking up the flower she had thrown. "I love you. Heaven loves you. Just keep watching over us, okay? We miss you so much." The wind blew another time and she looked up at the sky noticing a smiley face formed in the clouds. She sighed, feeling his presence comforting her. "I love you, so much, Travis Kelce." She placed the flower into the flower holder that sat beside his headstone. She kissed her fingers and placed it on his name. "Keep protecting us. We love you." She got up and made her way back to her car.