I LOVE YOU,IDIOT

6.to love would be to lose my mind.

"WHAT?!" I immediately got up.
"I called him several times since last night but he didn't pick them up,then after reaching here I saw that he had a day off,and i was concerned,so I went to his house but he wasn't there either" soyeon said.
I quickly started calling him,but he wasn't picking up.
I thought of calling his other friends
"Hey Aiden,were you perhaps with ian (his friends call him ian) last night?" I asked one of his friends.
"Nope,is anything wrong?"
"He isn't picking up my calls and he took a day off today so i was worried,but anyways,talk to you later bye"i said hanging up the call.
"What do we do now?"i asked soyeon.
"I dont know,I'm worried if he's in his dark place again" soyeon said as I started getting flashbacks of how much pain Lillian has been through,i was getting more scared.

"Laaadieeessss,what's with the down faces" Damien entered the room.
"Did you talk to Lillian since last night?" I asked him.
"No,where is he by the way"
"He has taken a day off and he hasn't answered our calls since last night"soyeon replied.
"Well he might just be tired and is sleeping in with his phone on silent" Damien said casually.
He didn't know why we are so worried,he is only here since a few months ago,so it's understandable.
Soyeon and I exchanged looks with each other,when soyeon was about to say something,the door opened.
Lillian entered,he looked like he hadn't slept in days,his hair was all messy,he was wearing an oversized hoodie.
"Hi guys" he said,his voice was low,shaky.
"Where the fuck were you dude,we got so worried?" Soyeon said.
"I'm sorry I was late,i overslept"he said.
Damien gave us a 'i told yall' look.
"Well your here now,everyone can get back to work then"i said as everyone started to leave.
"Lillian wait here,others can go"
He looked at me as if he didn't want to stay.
Once everyone was gone i sighed as I asked him.
"What's wrong?"
He was avoiding to look at me,he had his head down as he said "nothing"
"That's not true,it's me Lillian,i know you,please tell me if something is wrong"
He looked at me like he was hiding alot of stuff from me,and he wanted to tell me,but he couldn't.
He was now looking straight into my eyes as he said. "R-riley I've wanted to tell you this since a long time,i have started to-" he got cut off with Bella entering the room.
"Ugh this place needs a better air conditioner uhm hey yall" she said with her leather jacket in one hand and her coffee on another.
"I'm gonna go now Lillian said quickly leaving.
"What's wrong with him?" Bella said.
I sighed as I sit back in my chair "nothing".

--6 years ago--
"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE,RILEY,NOTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME" lillian screamed with the alcohol bottle in his hand.
"I AM HERE FOR YOU LILLIAN,PLEASE JUST LET ME HELP YOU" i cried as i tried coming near him.

"you'll only break yourself trying to help me,its useless" he said while turning around and taking a sip from the bottle as it finished.
"PLEASE LILLIAN,I WANT TO HELP YOU,JUST FUCKING LET ME" i tried to take the bottle from his hand.

He threw the bottle infront of him,a loud bang filled the room,Glass shattered everywhere,he picked up a piece and took it near his wrist.

--PRESENT--
I was done with my work,it was almost midnight now,i closed my laptop and cleared my desk,took my stuff,and began turning off the lights.

I came out of my office and saw lillian sleeping with his head down on the desk,i wondered if he even slept last night.
I went near him,and i could smell it,the one smell i was most afraid of,the smell i hated,the smell of alcohol. I closed my eyes painfully as the memories started flashing in once again.

Glass shattered everywhere,he picked up a piece and took it near his wrist.

I closed his laptop and cleared his desk,i wanted to shift him to the couch,but obviously he was too big for me to pick up.
Damien entered the office,as he saw me putting a blanket over lillian.
"Do you need help there?" He whispered low.
I nodded my head,he picked lillian up and struggled a little to put him on the couch.
"Dude's been hitting the gym lately i guess" he said lowly.
We came out of lillian's office.
"Um if you don't mind,why are you guys so protective of lillian?" He asked me as i looked at him,contemplating whether to tell him or not.
I can trust him with this though,i eventually told him everything.
"W-wow,i mean,i never knew he was struggling so much,how'd he get out of it though?" Damien asked.
"He started visiting a therapist who helped him alot,but his sessions ended recently,he was great after it though,but since the past few weeks,he's just been acting more distant,i thought it's normal,until i smelled it,he gave up alcohol,but i know he drank all night yesterday"
I said.

Damien looked at sadly as he said "so how do we help him now?"

"We need to find out what triggered him to get depressed all over again,and give him mental support,I'll talk to him about this after a few days,and ask him to reach out to a therapist again" i said.
"I'll try my best too,and riley,you need to take care of yourself too,i hope you don't forget that in all of this"he said.
"Riley you need to take care of yourself too" if only he knew that for lillian i would lose myself completely and never think twice before doing it.
"Yeah.." i replied casually