♡ A story about learning to love, learning to hurt, learning to 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘥 ― and most importantly, learning to be human. ♡
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 4x
Marino Hills, California in the mid-2000s is hypersensitive to the idea of change. It clings desperately t...
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THE SUMMER OF 2007 The Unexpected
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Jisung takes a deep breath, but it doesn't quite fill his lungs.
He's sitting in the chapel, and the pews are empty. The lights are dimmed, only source of illumination being the pale moonlight streaming in through the windows. The stained glass casts a kaleidoscopic rainbow on the wooden floor. It's quiet—eerily so. It's almost as if the building itself is holding its breath. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to make a move. Waiting for Jisung to do something. Anything. to say something. to start breathing again. To start feeling again. To start living again.
Jisung sits in the front row, hunched over with his elbows propped up on his knees. His fingers are intertwined, palms pressed together in prayer. He's not praying, though. He's just trying to hold himself together.
He's just trying to breathe.
Some nights, Jisung drowns in his own body. Like he's trapped in a cage of his own flesh and bones, and he can't get out.
This is one of those nights.
He stares at the altar, at the cross hanging on the wall, at the statue of Jesus Christ. The statue is a gruesome depiction of the crucifixion: the bloodied figure of Jesus is suspended on the cross, nails piercing through his wrists, thorns crowning his head. Jisung wonders if it hurt.
He wonders if it hurt to die for the sins of the world.
Jisung wonders if it hurt to die for him.
He lets his gaze fall to the floor, to the stained glass that paints the wood in a myriad of colors. He wonders what it would be like to be a stained glass window. He wonders what it would be like to be broken into a million tiny pieces, but still be so beautiful.
He wonders what it would be like to be fixed.
He wonders what it would be like to be whole again.
Jisung wonders a lot of things.
But mostly, he wonders if he can ever find his way back to himself.
CREAK!
The chapel door swings open, and Jisung whips his head toward the intruder. It's Hyunjin, dressed in his Saint Augustine's button up and dark slacks.
Hyunjin smiles at him, and it's a small, timid thing. "I noticed you weren't at dinner," he says. "Still worried about Sana?"
Jisung shrugs, looking away. He can't bring himself to meet Hyunjin's gaze. He can't bear to see the pity in his eyes. Hyunjin makes his way over to where Jisung is sitting, taking a seat next to him. The pew creaks—lets out a small whimper—under his weight.
