A New Beginning - Drarry

[ Chapter Twenty Six - The Lows ]

"Hey, there you are! Pansy told me you'd come out here for some fresh air...you completely missed dinner, is everything alright?" Harry asked. Harry was walking towards Draco who was leaning against the stone wall at the entrance to the bridge from the courtyard. The same place they'd found each other on Halloween night. When Harry finally reached him, he noticed something wasn't right. "Draco?" Draco didn't say anything as he continued to look out across the vast expanse of landscape, quilted with darkness as the sun had already set hours ago. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the folded piece of parchment, hesitating to hand it over, but doing so solemnly. 

Harry looked concerned as he took the parchment from him, unfolding it curiously and turning so the moonlight shone on it clearer for him to read. The silence between them while Harry read Draco's letter felt painstakingly slow, a million thoughts rushing through Draco's mind as Harry stood beside him in silence, taking it all in. Harry read on, his brow furrowed deeply as the pain and confusion crept onto his face, breaking Draco's heart at having to share this with him. He never wanted Harry to ever feel hurt like that letter hurt him, but he needed to know. Eventually, Harry folded the letter back up and handed it back. 

His expression looked lost, as though words faltered him in that moment. He searched Draco's face for some kind of answer but only saw pain and heartbreak. "I don't understand." Harry finally muttered under his breath. Draco shrugged and turned back to looking out across the mountains. "You're disinherited? You're disowned from the family? Just like that?" Draco nodded, holding back tears, but to his surprise, Harry perked up. "Well screw them, then! You don't need them, Draco. You've got me still, and you've got friends here-" "Friends? Harry, half this school hates my guts, they want me to see me buried or behind bars-" 

"Oh that's an over exaggeration-" "Really? You think this is an over exaggeration?" Draco bit, pulling the sleeve aside on his arm to reveal the scar from the hex thrown at him by the bullies. "What the-Draco, who did this to you? When did this happen?" Harry asked, stroking his arm in shock. "Earlier today." "What did they do to you!?" Draco hesitated, begging to avoid this conversation. "They...they threw a hex or two and they punched...and kicked." "And you didn't tell me?" Harry snapped. "Because you don't need that Drama in your life anymore, you've dealt with it enough." "Draco, you don't get to decide what I do and don't want to deal with! If someone hurts my boyfriend of course I'm going to fight back!"

"Well, I don't want you fighting back!" "Why not!" "Because you'll spend your entire life fighting back and you don't deserve that." Harry looked confused, searching Draco's face for some form of comfort but seeing nothing. "I don't care, I'm not going to have people hurting you, Draco. How many times have you been beaten like that?" Draco sighed and closed his eyes. "Four times." "Four times!?" Harry erupted. "This is why I didn't tell you! Because I knew you'd react like this!" "So what if I do? You're my boyfriend of course I'm going to get angry when someone beats you up!" "Well I don't want you getting angry, Harry! You've spent your whole life feeling pain and anger and it's never going to end if you stay with me."

Harry stammered at Draco's response. "W-what?" "Harry...everyone in the wizarding world knows who you are, you're the chosen one, you're the boy who defeated Voldemort. They also know who I am...they know I'm a death eater, or was one. They know I was under Voldemort's orders, they know I'm a Malfoy." "So?" "So...Harry, when you leave this school you're going to be overrun with opportunities and appreciation and support from the entire wizarding world. When I leave this school...I'll either be arrested or killed. People despise me, Harry, there's no changing that. There's no future for me, especially now my parents have rejected me too." 

"Fuck your parents. They don't love you for who you are, I do, Draco, you still deserve every chance to-" "But I won't get a chance Harry. I've made too many mistakes already and people are not forgiving. Why do you think I get beaten up every month here? They hate me. I'm just a fucking death eater to everyone else. This mark is embedded on my skin and it's never going away and it's a constant reminder of all the terrible things I've done in my life. There's no chance for me, there's no bright future for me!" Draco was yelling now, he brushed the hair off his forehead and crossed his arms. "What does it matter what others think?" Harry asked. 

He hated arguing with Draco, just raising his voice at him made him feel awful. "It matters because, I love you Harry. I love you so much that it pains me to see you have to carry me around all the time. I'm just your burden. Wherever you go, you'll receive an abundance of hate all because I'm with you. They will make your life hell, because I'm with you. They'll make you bitter and angry and hateful and you'll end up dealing with so much hurt just because of me. You don't deserve any of that." There was a silence between them and a tension that felt like razor sharp ice. The cool evening air stung their cheeks as the night grew darker and darker. 

"You have such an amazing life ahead of you, and I don't want you to end up resenting me because I'll only make it worse if our relationship goes public. You deserve a full and happy life, one without the hate that will come from being with me." "I don't care what people thing about me being with you." Harry bit. "Harry if people find out that you're in a relationship with me you'll receive an endless amount of hate. My own father has threatened to kill you at the first chance he gets." "So, he'll have to find me first-" "He will find you Harry." Draco paused and looked down at the dark mark on his wrist. "They can trace you, through me. This mark on my wrist, it allows other death eaters to trace me whenever they want. If you're with me they'll find you the minute you leave this school."

"Then I'd rather die by your side than leave you." Draco faltered, his heart breaking at the thought of losing Harry for good. "I don't want you to die, Harry. Please." Harry inhaled and forced himself to control his breathing, though his lungs felt close to collapsing at the pain residing inside of him. "Draco...I love you." "I love you too." Draco whispered through tears, clasping onto the wall knowing he would collapse to the floor if he let go. He couldn't meet Harry's eyes, seeing him broken would kill him. "I love you too much to let you go, Draco. We're in this together, we fight together." Harry's voice was shaking now, he was scared. 

"I just can't face the idea of you being killed because of me, receiving abuse because of who I am." Draco cried. "As long as you're away from me you're safe. I can't risk you being murdered." Harry stood there completely numb. The words were like shards of glass cutting through and wounding every part of him. He couldn't find the words, only shaking his head in disagreement and fighting back the urge to scream and cry. "I'm sorry." Draco whispered into the air through ragged tears, feeling like the world was tugging on his chest, he just wanted to curl to the ground and never get up. "No...no...you can't-" Harry stammered, aching to find anything to say to fix it. 

"You can't just...say you love me one moment and then...push me away the next." Barely able to breathe through the tears and the tightness in his throat. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's all so complicated." Draco whimpered. "No it's not...you either want to be with me or you don't" Harry demanded through tears, his heart splitting as he explored Draco with his eyes to see reason, despite to see him change his mind. "Tell me you want to be with me." But Draco said nothing. Only letting the tears fall as he closed his eyes, unable to give Harry the answer that he wanted to hear. Harry waited for his response, waiting for Draco to say those words but it felt like a knife had impaled his heart when Draco said nothing. 

Silence. He didn't change his mind. Didn't fight for him back. Didn't tell him that he wanted him. Harry's eyes were wide in desperation but overcome with heartbreak as they stood together out in the cold night air. He wanted to hold Draco and never let go, beg with him, plead him to stay but he felt too numb. Nothing in that moment would fix any of this. There was a long painful silence between them as they stood together on the bridge, feeling as though the world had just come crashing down on them. He finally accepted Draco's silence, with no words left to fight with he turned away, walking back to the castle and shrinking into the darkness, the pain suffocating him. 

He held his arms to his chest tight and sobbed quietly, making sure to hold back his cries so Draco wouldn't hear them but the pain was unbearable. In that moment, all hope was gone, he wanted to stop living, there was nothing left. Draco stood on the stone bridge, feeling as though his own heart was bleeding. He released the pain he'd been holding back, breaking into a silent sob too, holding his hands to his mouth to stifle the cries of letting Harry go. Tears streamed down his face as he watched Harry walk away from him, the same exact spot where Harry had kissed him seven months ago. In the place where it all began, it suddenly came crashing back down.