Finding Love | ✔️

epilogue

Dear Arghie,

I miss you so much. But, I'm writing to let you know that I'm okay.

Do you remember when I left? You told me I was a caged bird, and that I needed to fly free. But maybe it wasn't really freedom I was looking for. Maybe what I needed was something to fix all the pieces of my broken heart, and I think I found the glue. I've been on so many adventures that you can't even imagine, both good and bad, but I've found something in all of them. I've found love.

Perhaps I didn't realize that I already had it with you. You loved me and I loved you. We had a bond as strong as sisters, Arghavan, and I promise, I will come back for you.

I found love in the pictures on the walls that the artists painted, pouring their souls into each and every brush stroke. I found love in the little vanilla cupcake that Leopold gave me on my birthday, and I found love in the friendship I had with Leopold himself. I found love in the tears I cried when I saw his blood stains splattered all over his glass paintings. I found love when Claudia set me free to be me again. I found love in the glass piece that she gave me when I left, which is now framed in my room.

I found love in the beauty of Eli's voice, and in the days we'd dance together and watch the stars together. Sometimes, I think of how else I could have used the money instead of paying for music school for Eli: I could have bought myself a small apartment to live in, instead of the abandoned parking lot. Maybe get some better clothes and jewelry, or some more food, or something. But none of those would have given me anything close to the happiness it gave me. Now Parker's words seem to make sense: we must make sacrifices for the ones we love. Maybe that's because it's the greatest way of showing how much we love them. I think of you when I say that, because you made a sacrifice when you let me leave you. Claudia sacrificed her one-way ticket to freedom and gave it to me. To me! Who was I to deserve it? Maybe that's what they meant in Church when they talked about God loving us so much that he gave his only Son. And maybe that's what they meant when the Doreen and Gage took me in, nursed me back to health and gave me a home. Maybe Parker was good in that he too made sacrifices for Eli, because he loved his grandson, but I may not be able to fully understand it yet.

I found love in the room in which I found myself in when I woke up in the middle of nowhere. It felt like heaven. And I found love in the eyes of Doreen Coleman, an angel manifesting herself as a beautiful, chubby, warm woman who has helped me heal some of my wounds in her flabby arms and her soothing voice that tells me 'everything will be okay'. I found love in her magnificent apple pie and in little Phillip's eyes when he spoke about blue whales and when he ran into Gage's arms, and in his little gap-toothed smile.

Finally, Arghie, I found love in Gage. I found love in his blue eyes and his pink lips and his soft voice. I found love in his chest when he would hug me and when he held my hand. I feel fuzzy and giddy and happy and content all at the same time, Arghie, and it's the best feeling in the world. It's like a warm light that touches your heart, but not only your heart – every inch of you, from your littlest brain cells to your toes, and it lights you up. You feel like you're on fire and like you're on ice at the same time. And now maybe I'll read the Bible again, because I'll understand what it means when it says 'love'. Maybe I'll kiss and hug and smile more often, because I think that these are physical ways we show 'love' and give it a tangible feeling.

My lovely Arghie, I've found love. And perhaps I'd had it all along, but I was just too blind to know it was there. But now, I can feel it in me. I know it's within me. It's within all of us, and it's our job to share it and make sure that everyone around us can feel it.

It's a powerful force, Arghavan. Love can do so much to us. It's hard to define it, really, because it's so many things. Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails*, Arghavan. It is the most powerful thing of all.

I guess I must be going, but I'll keep writing to you. I finally have a stable address, so if you ever want to write back to me, you can. I haven't forgotten what I said, about coming for you. I promise, I'll be there.

I love you and I miss you so much.

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of love,

Your bestest friend in the world,

April Gold.

♡

Hey guys. I guess it's the end of the road for April! Hope you enjoyed the book - I certainly enjoyed writing it! I can't believe I've actually finished writing the whole story. Thanks for being with me on this journey.

- genie_us xx