Finding Love | ✔️

six

/What is the colour of love?

The colour of the eyes you look into at the moment you feel it/

- seen on ep.com

♡

We enter a small and squeezed shop down the street where we’re greeted by a fat woman in glowing hoops dangling from her ears.

“Margaret!” Hank screams, rushing in to embrace her.

“Oh, Hank,” she says, shrugging him off.

“Margaret’s his mother,” Farry whispers to me, then goes in to say hello. I study her closely, but I fail to see the resemblance. Her face is very small and scrunched in, her cheeks protruding outwards like two basketballs. She’s got beady eyes, and a yellow scarf has been folded around her head. Her hair is brown, just like Hank’s. That’s it.

I say nothing, though. I suddenly realize that they’ve been staring at me. This makes me uncomfortable, so I look away embarrassed.

“Hello, Lilac.” Margaret fumbles over to me. There are clothes hanging off metal hangers in each and every corner, so she shifts in a way to avoid them – without success (she’s too fat).

Um…hi…”

“Call me Aunt Margaret. Now, I see that you’re going to tonight’s festival, so we’ll need to get you something to wear.”

“Festival?”

“You’ll see.” She looks over to Hank and Farry who are sitting on the desk of the counter. They all laugh, sharing a secret that I’m not allowed to know.

She tosses me some clothes, of which I notice that they each have neon on them, whether a little or a lot. Glitter and stripes and polka dots decorate the clothes that she holds up for me. This is bewildering, but I’ve seen enough neon in this town so far to understand that it must mean something.

“Do I try them on?” I ask.  

They laugh.

“No, no!” Farry says. “No need. We’ve got to be heading soon.”

“Heading to the festival?” a weird voice sounds from behind me. I turn around. I scream.

“Lilac, Lilac!” Farry comes towards me and gives me a hug. “It’s just Granger, and he’s always - ” he makes a shape with his hand like he’s drinking something.

“Oh,” I say. My father was drunk a lot, too. My father…

“We’ve got to get a move on, guys.” Hank says, interrupting my thoughts. “See you, Mama.” He kisses Aunt Margaret and we make our way out.

I turn around, to see what looks like the figures of Aunt Margaret and “Granger” meshing together. That’s just weird.

***

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. There are colours everywhere.

The music is already booming from the speakers, and everyone’s got a glow stick in their hand. On top of that, everyone’s glowing themselves. The crowd is so big, I can barely keep up with Hank and Farry as we try to squeeze through.

We finally find an open space where it’s a bit quieter. I stand there, not talking, but watching people. There’s some people in pink kissing next to me, and I can hear their weird salivary noises. Everyone’s laughing and dancing, and there’s lots of people screaming and running around. A man floats by us, offering us cigars. I politely decline, but Hank gladly takes one.

“I’m finding us some drinks, I’ll be back.” Farry says, and walks away.

It’s now me and Hank left. We stare at each other, and the look on his face while he smokes the cigar suddenly frightens me. I can’t help but feel like a little child now. I shift uncomfortably.

He puffs on his cigar.

“Look, kid,” Hank says after a while. He leans close to me, and I can smell the tobacco on his breath. “We aren’t your guardians. We aren’t going to pay for your whole life here. We’ve seen thousands of runaways like you, coming to New Town, and we’ve helped enough of them. Some have just been…how do I say this? Bratty. Ungrateful. But look, yea? I’m not saying you’re a bad kid; you’re better off than most of them. But we’re leaving you here. You need to find your own way.”

I stumble back. I don’t know what to say.

“Oh…”

“You had better go along now. There are lots of people, go make friends!” He waves his hand, as if he’s telling a dog to go “fetch” something, and I just obey.

I start walking away slowly. I’m so confused. I thought that I had a friend in Hank and Farry, I really thought so...

But of course. Things like that never happened, did they? It was too good to be true. And I couldn’t even blame Hank for being mean; what he said was the truth. I wasn’t going to rely on them, and I don’t know why I thought for even a second that they would stick around for a bit longer.

I won’t cry. I’m sad, but it’s funny. I’m laughing now, and I’m walking away faster. I’m laughing and laughing, and there’s a pain in my chest, but I’m still laughing. I’m laughing at how stupid I am, because I thought that they would stick around for a bit longer? I thought the same for my parents, didn’t I?

Haha. It’s just funny.

I keep walking until I find myself lost in a crowd full of people’s faces that I can’t fathom, and I begin to get dizzy. All the lights are getting to my head, and they’re just spinning. The fast-paced music isn’t making it any better. My ears start to drown out the sound. All I can hear is the steady four-four beat of the bass drum punching through me. But my feet just keep moving to the beat. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Just then, it gets quiet. There’s not as many people, although it’s not completely deserted. There’s not as much light too. My heart begins to slow down, and I can breathe again. I take a seat on a little ledge, where there are one or two people across from me – doing the same.

After a bit, I relax. I feel much better when there aren’t as many people.

Suddenly, there’s a movement. It’s dark, and all my eyes can make out is a silhouette.

 I feel the urge to follow it. Obeying my legs, I go.

♡