The Secret Life of Heronstairs [The Infernal Devices fan fiction] [On Hold]

How it Started

There were two things that were just never allowed to be spoken of or to happen: to fall in love with your parabatai and to admit more than friendly feelings for another male. Unfortunately for Will Herondale, there was a third thing that was never supposed to happen which was him loving anyone at all. So naturally, he would break all three of those life rules at once.

            He thought he was safe. He’d moved away from his family so that they wouldn’t have to pay the cost of his curse the same way his sister had. He’d become a Shadowhunter at the London Institute where he deliberately scorned any show of affection towards him so that no one could love him and they would all be safe from his harm. But then he’d met Jem Carstairs and everything started to change.

            Will couldn’t help but admit that Jem was a beautiful boy with dark hair and eyes that slowly faded over the years to an odd silver color. He’d never seen anything like it before Jem, knew that it was because of his demon illness, and yet somehow he still found it to be alluring. Especially when paired with his Asian features and charismatic personality. As much as Will pushed against his kindness, trying to keep him at bay with rude comments and unfriendly behavior, Jem stayed there for him and never pushed him more than was necessary to she he cared.

            At first, Will was appalled at himself. He couldn’t love anyone at all, let alone another boy. It was frowned upon in the Shadowhunter society, no matter how the European world around them functioned. He’d talked himself into thinking that it was all just a mind trick; his own mind making fun of him because he would never be able to fall in love with someone. He told himself that every time he saw Jem; every time they trained, every time they ate, every time he saw the effects of the demon disease rocking Jem to his core. But no matter what he said, he couldn’t believe it. Because somehow, beyond his wildest imaginings, he had fallen in love with James Carstairs.

            When the realization finally hit him, Will couldn’t deal with it. Jem was so important in his life that he couldn’t lose him; not to a curse he had set out to protect everyone from and not from the demon disease that threatened everyday to take his life. At first he thought if he helped Jem find a cure for his illness than he would be happy just knowing he was alive and would have a chance at a happy life. But when things became progressively worse and Jem didn’t want any of them looking for the cure anymore, he knew that it wouldn’t happen. Will was fated to love his dying Parabatai, and he could only hope that it would give him a swifter and less suffering death than the demon illness plaguing his body.

            Years had passed after they became Parabatai, and Will managed to keep his feelings for Jem in control. He treated him the same as everyone else and yet different; he let Jem see a somewhat different side of himself than he let anyone else see. He considered those treasured moments between him and Jem and only hoped his friend felt the same. For awhile it was enough for Will until one day it just wasn’t. And it was that day that sent the rest of his life on a constant tilt from one emotion to another.

            They were training in the Institute attic, enjoying themselves as they often did with taunts and banter that only they could exchange, when one of Jem’s coughing fits started. Will had tried to insist Jem take a break earlier when the exhaustion had begun to show but as usual he wouldn’t allow it. He continued training, saying it was necessary in order for him to be used to it during a fight. As he coughed into his shirt sleeve, Will hurried to pour him some water and watched anxiously as he drank it, trying to avoid the light spray of blood specs he could see on Jem’s sleeve. “I think we should stop for today,” Will said forcibly. “You’ve worked yourself enough.”

            “I’ll be fine within a few moments,” Jem said, his voice rasping slightly. Will noticed the sweat on Jem’s skin being heavier than it had been a minute ago and knew it was worse than he wanted to let on. “We can continue then.”