The Secret Life of Heronstairs [The Infernal Devices fan fiction] [On Hold]

Breaking

In the weeks that followed, as much as Will tried, he could not manage to contain the happiness Jem made him feel. Will still treated others rudely the way he always had over the years, but now he seemed to do it with a lesser harshness to it. Where Jem was concerned, their friendship had always been more playful than any other relationship Will had in the Institute so no suspicion ever seemed to be cast on their constant flow of secret jokes and references. Despite the happiness he always felt when looking at or thinking of Jem, Will could not entirely forget the curse that still plagued him daily. He watched Jem more closely for any sign that the end was coming but he seemed as fine as ever. The demon illness still attacked his body in the most random moments but it didn’t seem to occur any more frequently than before, at least not for now.

Will was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for news on Jem. His body was tense with nerves, his heart slamming in his chest and his mind spinning with possibilities and memories of stolen moments together. Two years of happiness and no death by curse; two years of secretly searching for the cure that would end Jem’s suffering. When Will had told Jem he had found the cure he’d been furious that he would break his promise, insisting that it wouldn’t work. But Will didn’t care what negativity Jem had for the cure, he knew it would change everything for good. As the Silent Brothers locked themselves with Jem in his room, Will was expected to wait outside like the rest of the Institute inhabitants. Unlike the rest of the Shadowhunters, Will couldn’t help but think he had more to lose if the cure didn’t work.

            The bedroom door suddenly clicked open and shut as a shadowed figure slipped in and Will sat up fast, in awe to see someone he hadn’t truly seen since he was twelve. With the dark hair and brown eyes of his youth, James Carstairs stood in silence as he stared at Will with a slight smile and looking healthier than Will had ever seen him. “It worked?” Will asked quietly, almost as though he were afraid the words would shatter the illusion before him.

            “It worked,” Jem smiled widely, closing the distance to Will. “And it is because of you. I owe you my life, William.”

            “You owe me nothing,” Will said, shaking his head. “You being well is all the repayment I could ever have asked for. You deserved this and now neither of us have to worry about the illness taking you. You can live a long life now and if you choose not to do so with me, I will understand. It is your choice.”

            “Why would I not want to spend my life with you?” Jem asked. “You are the reason I fought the illness for so long and the reason I no longer have to. I only ever dreamed of having more time with you and now you have made it possible. I am here for more than just thanking you; I am here because I love you, William Herondale.”

            “And I, you, James Carstairs,” Will replied as Jem lowered himself to sit on one of Will’s legs. Jem brought his mouth down on Will’s and he responded immediately, amazed at the renewed strength he felt in Jem as he pushed Will back slightly to undo the buttons of his shirt. Will smiled and shivered as the back of Jem’s hand grazed down his abdomen when he finished the buttons. Jem moved to kiss him deeper but Will pulled away to undo Jem’s shirt and he watched in eager silence, wanting more than he ever had before to experience Will in a new way. Will had always been hesitant and delicate with Jem, afraid the illness would take hold at any moment but now that he was cured, Jem didn’t want to be treated like fine china anymore. He wanted to be treated as an equal and that meant taking control.

            Jem placed one hand on Will’s thigh, keeping his other against the bare skin of his chest as he leaned his forehead against Will’s. Will’s blue eyes stared into his curiously and he couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his face. “You needn’t be so careful with me anymore,” Jem said, his breath blowing across Will’s face, tousling the curled ends of his hair. “I will not break.”

            “I know,” Will said, placing one hand behind Jem’s neck to pull him closer. “That isn’t why I’m careful. You may still change your mind.”

            “I won’t,” Jem said with a slight shake of his head before his lips met Will’s again. Pulling him closer, Will slowly leaned back until his back was to the bed and Jem’s body lay across his. He noticed Jem’s skin felt hot but he was sure it was the same as every other time they’d been together and decided not to worry on it. Jem’s mouth moved over his, across his cheekbone, down his jaw and neck and across his exposed skin the way Will had done to him that first day and Will was in awe of how it made him feel. By the time Jem had returned to his lips they were both shaking slightly, their bare skin touching and making Will want him more. But before Will could get his chance, Jem pulled away and made a sound Will had hoped he would never hear again; he coughed.

            Jem coughed harshly into his hand and Will saw more than the usual specs of blood on his palm and lips. Jem straightened up sharply as he coughed more harshly into his hand and fell to the side of Will on the bed. Will sat up quickly, hovering over Jem in fear. “James,” he said anxiously. “What’s wrong? I thought it worked.” Jem didn’t answer as the coughs came faster and without pause. Panicked, Will ran for the door in search of help.

            Almost as soon as he set foot into the hall, Will spotted Charlotte, Henry, Jessamine and Sophie down the hall, all speaking happily. Still hearing the sounds of Jem coughing uncontrollably in his room, Will yelled “Everyone, come! It’s James, he’s… something is wrong with the cure! It doesn’t seem to have worked. Please, come!” Hearing his words they all came running to this room, following him in as he rushed to Jem’s side.

            Jem’s hands and face were covered in blood as the coughs continued, making his body spasm. Will looked over at the others anxiously but they all just looked at Jem sadly, not moving to help. “Charlotte, please,” Will begged. “Call back the Silent Brothers. Tell them the cure didn’t work-”

            “Will, he isn’t dying because of the cure,” Charlotte responded, green eyes turning to him in a way he thought of as accusing. “It was your love for him that’s killing him.”

            “What?” Will asked in surprise and fear, blue eyes wide.

            “You know what, William,” Charlotte said. “You knew this would happen eventually. Those you love who return it are meant to die. You made this happen by being selfish and now James has to suffer.”

            “It’s a shame too,” Sophie said quietly. “He finally had his whole life ahead of him.”

            Will just stared at them in disbelief, unable to think of anything to say. “Will,” Jem managed in between coughs and Will turned to him quickly, tears threatening to spill over. “Do not…regret…what…we had. I…do not…”

            “You should,” Will said brokenly. “I told you loving me would be the end of you.” Jem only shook his head as he reached out and brushed his hand on Will’s face. Will put his hand over Jem’s, feeling as the muscles went limp as the coughing quieted and Jem went still. “James? James! No!”

 

Will woke up in his bed, shirt stuck to his skin with sweat and his heart pounding wildly in his chest. The images of the dream still played through his mend and he hated them because he knew on some level they were true. Even if he could find a cure for Jem that would save him from the demon illness, his love for Will would end his life. The curse was forever hanging over them, ready to strike and making Will wish that he were stronger if only to make himself leave Jem to save what was left of his life. Every time Will thought he could do it, Jem smiled at him and he remembered all of their stolen moments and the small resolve he’d managed to build, shattered. But Will knew that if the dreams continued as they had been lately, it would only be a matter of time before he broke.