the veiled lady/hailstones between my teeth

MEMORIES OF GIRLHOOD

after z.t. corley

my mother and my father were fighting again. it was nothing unusual. at least for our house. i could hear their voices but not their words which made it hard to tell who was right and who was wrong. i was four. i think.

i still slept in my mothers bed at that age. tonight it was empty. i was afraid of the dark. only about an hour earlier my mother had tucked me into her bed, stroked my hair and all its tangles, blessed each pore on my skin with a kiss and said "call me if you need me" like she did every night. i needed her. so i called her.

"mom"

i said quietly. she was downstairs. of course she didn't hear me.

"mom"

a little louder. 

"mom" 

louder.

"mom"

even louder.

"MOM"

loud.

"MOM"

loud in the way a baby is loud coming out of its mother.

"MOM"

louder than i ever remember being.

"MOM"

loud.

loud.

loud.

i could barely recognize my mother's voice from downstairs, but i heard her say to father a word i didn't know the meaning of. "----, what does she want?! WHAT?!"

she had responded.

"mom"

i said as if she could hear me. mom was what i wanted. mom mom mom.

she never came. i fell asleep and woke up i don't know how much later. i think it was because i heard the front door slam shut. it was kind of foggy outside. i heard a car start.