A/N — yet another repost from my ao3 account lmao anyways more sad boyfs
It's not like Michael ever truly hated Jeremy for the incident junior year with the play and the stupid computer pill. He couldn't do that, but that didn't meant that he didn't need space from Jeremy for a while.
The space ended up being more than he expected. A week grew into a two weeks and then a month and then six months and now he and Jeremy barely talked. It made Michael feel kind of bitter at first, why wasn't Jeremy doing more to reach out?
But he hadn't been doing a lot either, and eventually the six months turned into a few years. College happened, new friends happened. But Michael couldn't help but still think about Jeremy sometimes.
Whatever brought up the conversation he didn't remember, but Michael was in one of these new friend's living room on the couch and talking about Jeremy.
"We were best friends for twelve years," he laughed a little, not focusing on the TV anymore as Eleanor, the friend, listened. "I actually can't remember a time when I was younger that he wasn't there."
There was a pause. The curly brown haired girl squinted her eyes slightly. "Go on...?"
Michael just looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. "And it's weird because he was kind of my whole life? But I didn't really listen to him that well." He took a breath. "I just always assumed we would be on the same page about everything, and we were at some points, but I guess I didn't realize how he wanted to do things outside of me?"
"That's what she said." Eleanor's eyes opened wide right after she said that. Maybe she realized that wasn't the most appropriate time to make a 'that's what she said' joke, but she stuffed some more popcorn in her mouth.
"Anyways, he eventually got a girlfriend and we had both needed some space. And then the spacing just kept... space-ing?"
Michael took off his glasses and started to clean them on his shirt as he continued. "Things were just complicated, but you know what's funny? I think he was in some ways my first heartbreak."
"So you liked him?" Eleanor asked, handing the popcorn bowl back to Michael once he had his glasses back on.
"I mean, yes and no." He tried to explain. "Like, I would've done anything for him. We did kiss a few times in middle school out of curiosity, but I already knew I liked boys before him. We would hold hands, and he was honestly cute, yeah.."
"It kind of sounds like you're still in love with him...?" Eleanor raised an eyebrow. Michael shook his head.
"No, we haven't talked in maybe six years." Technically, they had talked. They still wished each other well on holidays and texted each other for birthdays, but nothing beyond that. "But it still really hurt when we stopped talking."
"I can imagine." The girl nodded and then grabbed some more popcorn from the bowl. Michael did too.
It was all complicated. Michael hadn't even been mad about the squip anymore, or for being left behind. If anything, for a while he had been more upset with the confused feelings he felt like he had been left alone to deal with.
Did he leave Jeremy alone with these feelings too, Michael would often wonder. It's not like he meant to, he would never hurt Jeremy so badly on purpose.
"After we stopped talking, it felt like losing a limb at first. He had been pretty much everything to me and then was gone?"
Had he been in love with Jeremy or had he just been scared of the change that would've happened if Jeremy left?
Was it really a crush or did he just so happen to like holding and giving Jeremy kisses on the cheek and letting him rest his head on his lap?
Why was he thinking so hard about the codependent relationship he used to have? Okay, that wasn't fair, that relationship had been one of his most important ones for most of his life.
Eventually Michael had been quiet long enough that Eleanor just focused on the movie again, and he pulled out his phone and went through his messages.
He clicked on Jeremy's name after some scrolling and just stared at the last message. It had been one from himself, just a "you too" after Jeremy said for him to have a good birthday.
Hello
Michael typed out before pressing the backspace button and just putting his phone away.
