Juliette
He warned me we were doomed from the start, and I should have listened. But some fires burn too hot to resist.
Now, I'm trapped in a vicious cycle of desire, tangled up in Areston's dangerous world. Every kiss, every touch pulls me deeper...
Is it normal to feel tempted to kill yourself every morning?
Because I am tempted. So tempted.
I feel dead already, so it would be great if I were just dead.
I am trapped in this prison that they call a rehabilitation chamber for me.
I am living in a constant nightmare that my life has become. Lily's death haunts me all the time. Nights are miserable. I hate that I can't even kill myself here.
"I am so scared, Ares. I miss you. I wish I'd never left you to go to London. None of this would have happened," I talk to the photograph in my hand.
It's a picture from Bemelmans Bar. Our favorite cocktail place.
Much upon my insistence, he had shared the stage with their jazz band to sing a song that he dedicated to me and then pulled me there after the end of the performance and kissed me. We were met with cheers from the patrons. Selene had captured the moment on camera for us.
How I wish I could go back in time and fix my mistakes.
I can't.
This place is hell. It's worse than hell.
I wish I could die here so that I don't have to wake up in this shithole again.
I tuck the photograph under my pillow and drag out the weekly supply of art supplies and canvas from under the bed. It's some of the only relief I get here in this place. Painting abstracts distracts me from my pain.
It has been over a month since I talked to anyone. Mamma and I haven't had a word with me since she put me into this rehab. She's upset, which I can understand. My dad doesn't care. Chase, Selene, and Claire are not allowed. Great Grandmama and Bubbeh call me once every weekend. I lie to them whenever Bubbeh asks me if I'm feeling better. What else can I do?
