Juliette
He warned me we were doomed from the start, and I should have listened. But some fires burn too hot to resist.
Now, I'm trapped in a vicious cycle of desire, tangled up in Areston's dangerous world. Every kiss, every touch pulls me deeper...
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Don't stop.
Don't stop.
Don't stop.
Almost there.
I chant the mantra in my head, motivating my feet to continue hitting the track as I reach the last stretch of my usual 6.1-mile loop. Central Park is basking in its early morning glory. The soft chirping of excited birds blends with the sounds of cyclists, fellow runners, dog walkers, the rustle of leaves, and the hum of traffic outside. Manhattan is slowly stirring to life with its relentless energy, which I happen to love so much. The cool air contrasts the heat forming in my tired muscles from the long run.
I pass a couple in a white wedding dress and a black tux having a photoshoot at this hour next to the guy with a Dachshund dog mask covering his entire face feeding crackers to the Dachshund dog in his lap and a bearded drag queen with a huge crown on her purple head eating chicken wings with a pink multi-tiered dress. It makes me chuckle. It can't get any more New York than this.
I love this city. Its vibrance, resilience, personality, and ability to be both exaggeratingly overwhelming and soothing simultaneously. The cacophony of this place, especially its many parks, lets you escape uncertainties brewing in your mind. Whenever in doubt, I come here and lose myself for now. It always understands my struggles, complexities, joys, lows, and heartaches better than any shrink can.
It's here I come to find the strength to make up a sound mind. But today, I am unable to. My mind is racing millions of times faster than my legs. Just like it has been since I received an early morning delivery while I was getting ready for my run. Beautiful peonies with a card from Areston.
Come home already.
It was the first card in two days since we had a confrontation, and I broke down. I asked him for time and space, which he gave me, but he hasn't stopped sending me flowers four times a day. There has been no other communication. No notes. Just flowers. It was as if he had tried his utmost not to make me feel railroaded into deciding for us while subtly reminding me that I was always on his mind.
He laid his heart bare to me about his feelings for the first time. His words are echoing in my mind. He wants to fix things.
98% of me feels skeptical if things between us can ever be fixed. He did admit that he was terrified to trust me.
He did say it's not as terrifying as the prospect of living without me.
The 2% of hopeful part in me reasons.
I want to guard my heart this time. It has suffered far too much already.
Can I really give us a chance?
My heart says yes. My brain asks me not to rush into it once again.
My feet pound the track faster between the yes, no, and maybe.
