𝓜𝓲𝔁𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - 𝔂/𝓷 𝔁 𝓙𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓹𝓱 𝓓𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓪𝓶𝓹𝓼

𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓼

We walked in silence, both of us are smoking our cigarettes. It was not a comfortable silence. It was a silence of guilt and disappointment. But then I decided to break it. »So, what did you want to explain to me?« You could hear the accusatory in my voice. He swiftly turned in my direction. His eyes looked big, like the eyes of a puppy. He sighed before uttering: »So, I made that girl up that I told Dupin about. He asked me where I've been on break and I didn't want to tell him about us.« I was dumbfounded. He didn't want anybody to know about us? There was nothing actually between us in the first place but it still hurt. Maybe because I hoped that he wasn't like the other boys. »You didn't want anybody to know about us?« I paused in disbelief. Descamps noticed that he offended me and tried to say something. »No, I meant-« I cut him off immediately. »Oh, I know what you meant. I think it's better if I go home. Don't worry about the project, I'll finish it myself and give you the details tomorrow.« I started walking away from him, but he grabbed me by my arm, looking deeply into my eyes. »Why are you so difficult? I didn't mean it like that.« His grip tightened around my arm, while his gaze was fixated on my lips. He wanted to kiss me. I felt my heart beat out of my chest but then I realized what was happening and pushed him away. His grip immediately removed itself from my arm, while he had a surprised look plastered on his face. Meanwhile I had tears streaming down my face. Why is he like this? I turned around and stormed off while wiping my tears. I couldn't believe him. I was so blinded by his soft side that I never thought he would ever act like this.

- 20:07 -

Finally done... I finished the project as soon as I got home. I surpressed every thought that was not related to the project up until now. I sat on the floor of my bedroom and felt a feeling of betrayal showering over me. Tears started running down my cheeks again. I felt lonely and just wanted somebody to talk to. That's when I heard my bedroom door open slowly.  I tried to hide the fact that I was crying and stood up from the floor. I looked over to my door and saw my father looking at me confused rushing over to me to hug me. »Y/n, what happened? Are you alright?« He gently brushed over my head with his one hand while with the other hand he held me in a comforting way. At that moment I felt so vulnerable I didn't know what came over me, but I decided to tell my father everything that happened with Joseph. Although I mentioned the kiss, he kept quiet and listened regardless. When I finished, he handed me a tissue and looked at me comforting. For a moment, we stood in my room in complete silence. I assumed that my father tried to find the right words. »Oh y/n...you love him don't you?«, he stated. I looked at him confused. I don't love him. How was this his resolution from all the things I told him? »No, I don't love him. How could you conclude that assumption?« I answered taken aback. He gave me an understanding smile and cleared his throat. »My daughter, you are at an age now where boys are interesting for you. And I, as your father might not be happy with that fact but it's natural. And how I know that you love him is because you care.« I didn't understand. »What do you mean, I care?« »You care about him. How he reacts, how he acts, his opinion. I also cared so much for your mother, even when we weren't together yet. And I used to wonder why. Why do I care so much about her? She's just a girl. But one day you come to the realization that you care about them because you love them.« His words defeated me. I had no response. I loved him. »But love is supposed to be a good feeling. How come that with him I feel like I can't understand him? It feels like he doesn't love me.« I sunk into my fathers arms even further, seeking comfort and wise words. »A guy like him doesn't understand himself either, y/n. You need to let his inner child out, let his vulnerable side speak, his fears and concerns. Men tend to hide that side. That way you'll be able to understand him. And maybe he does not love you but for that to know you need to understand him first.« I was perplexed by my father's advice. It felt like I was reading a book with the title: 'What to do when you're in love with a guy.' but so much deeper and better explained. I felt better, now that my father comforted me and helped me through my miserable chaos of life. »Thank you so much papa, what would I ever do without you?« I gave him a small genuine smile and hugged him. He laughed, a little taken by surprise. »Of course, everything for my beautiful daughter.«