Simone Buckley

Chapter Six: Panic Attacks

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah much better. How'd you know what was happening?"

"I knew something was up when you said you didn't want to come with us. No one passes up a ride-along in a fire truck. Then when we came back and I found you I knew that you were having a panic attack probably brought on by the sirens. The loud noise triggered it and since you aren't used to that it was severe, with you being on the floor I figured you probably fell trying to get towards the sink but you were too disoriented you got even more overwhelmed after you fell and just gave in. There's nothing to be ashamed of, I used to get panic attacks from PTSD and I used cold water as a way to ground myself. I have buddies who still suffer from them."

"Since when do you get panic attacks?"

"Evan, there's still a lot that you and Maddie don't know about. Some of which I'll probably never tell you but there's a reason they happen I just haven't had one in a while. The sirens just really freaked me out which is stupid because I'm in a fire station so they're expected to go off but in my brain, it took me back somewhere else and I couldn't escape."

I looked towards the ground. I wish I could forget what happened and I try so hard to but sometimes the flashbacks sneak up just to remind me that it happened and I'll never be able to forget no matter how hard I try.

I noticed that Bobby, Hen, and Chim had all migrated upstairs and had probably heard what I said. I know they all have unanswered questions especially Buck but I don't think I'll ever tell them or anyone for that matter. When I tried to tell my parents they just dismissed me and I can't go through that again. I can't relive it by talking about it just to be shot down.

"Well, if you ever want to talk to anyone everyone here would be more than willing to listen. You don't have to face your problems alone anymore. I know you're not used to having a family but you have one now. We take care of each other here and we have resources that can help you if you don't want to talk to one of us."

Bobby seemed to be like the father of the group. I've never gone to therapy and I know that's what he meant. I just don't see myself talking to a stranger about all of my trauma. I know I need to deal with it instead of acting like it didn't happen but it's too hard to talk about.

"I appreciate that Bobby, but I don't think I'll be able to talk about it for a while. It's too difficult for me. When I tried to tell my parents they dismissed me and I can't handle that again."

"Well just know that no one here would force you to talk about it, and if you do decide to talk to one of us we won't dismiss you."

"Thanks, Bobby I appreciate that. Thanks all of you you haven't even known me for two days and you all have already shown more love and concern than my parents ever did." I looked at all of them as I spoke. I finally felt at home and it was a strange but good family.

"Well, that's enough of the sappy talk who's hungry?" Everyone started chuckling as I spoke.

"I'm hungry, are you cooking?"

"Yes Evan I am. How do you guys feel about Alfredo?" 

"Alfredo's good." 

"I just hope you guys have everything."

"I can help you find everything, I usually do most of the cooking we should have everything." I nodded in acknowledgement towards Bobby and made my way towards the kitchen. He started showing me where everything was and we talked as he helped me prep everything. 

"Where'd you learn how to cook?" 

"I've always enjoyed cooking and I had to make most of my own meals. I just taught myself and tried different things. Most of the time it turned out good but sometimes the food would turn out horrible." 

"That happens with cooking. Sometimes we think two things will work well together and then it tastes awful." 

"Yeah, that's true." We fell into a comfortable silence as I finished the sauce. Bobby got plates out and I began placing food on the plates. Everyone came up and took a plate. 

"This is really good Simone." 

"Thanks Hen. This is one of my favorite things to cook." 

"Bobby, I think you have competition in the kitchen."

"I appreciate that Chim, but I don't think its that good." 

"No he's right Simone this is definitely better than my alfredo."

"It's all about the seasoning. I was surprised when I saw Slap Ya Mama seasoning in your cabinet. It adds a nice kick to the sauce and the chicken."

"I don't really use it but I think after tasting this I am going to have to start adding to more food." 

"I could always cook more too. I mean I don't really have anything to do anyway and I'm sure its going to take me a while to find a job. I don't really have much experience with anything and all I have is a high school diploma." 

"I think we would all enjoy that especially if all of your food is this good."  

"I make no promises." I giggled and continued eating my food. Once I finished I took my plate to the sink to start washing dishes. 

"The chef doesn't wash the dishes." I looked over and it was Eddie. 

"Where I come from they do."

"Well, here they don't go sit down and me and Buck will wash them."

"It's okay I got it. I don't have anything better to do." 

"Simone, go sit down. Me and Buck will wash the dishes." There was something about the way he said my name. I choose to listen to him and I'm not sure why. I sat down on one of the couches in the upper area. I put my ear buds in and started working on the playlist I was making for Buck. This man was doing things to me and I'm not sure how I feel about it.