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2013
One minute me and Kai were both experiencing the same pain and the next minute I was alone in silence on the floor of the boarding house.
"Huh?" I got up startled, ignoring the ache in my chest and preparing myself for anything. I had expected a hallucination of Kai to come in and attack me again, but there was nothing. No noise, no breath besides my own and absolutely nothing besides me.
The house had taken a darker tone, affected by the sun going down. I stood still but heard the sound of heavy boots walking along the wooden floor, turning around when I came face to face with him.
Damon.
He had a look in his eyes of hunger, jaw subtly unhinged and fangs showing. There was... blood on him. All over him.
"You're not real."
He laughed and the tone of it almost made me stop breathing completely. "I was real when I snapped your neck," he breathed out, leaning his head to the side predatorily and waiting for my reaction.
He was waiting for fear.
"Get the fuck out of my head," I closed my eyes, silently praying that I would go back to the comfort of the boarding house, even if Kai was there.
Without warning, I suddenly felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders and I opened my eyes. It was Kai, looking at me with concern.
"You were hallucinating," he said flatly before dropping his hands from me and turning away with nonchalance. I took a moment to come back to reality and turned away from him, as well.
I couldn't admit it aloud but I was terrified. The coven was after me, and I was stuck here like a caged deer waiting for them to kill me. To make matters worse, my only chance of an ally was Kai, who wasn't too keen on keeping me alive. I was totally and completely alone in this. I glanced back at him to see him deep in thought and wondered if he was thinking the same.
"Do you know what this is?" I asked, referring to our current issue and watching his eyes darken with anger. He only shook his head to signal "no." I sighed, absolutely crushed at what my situation was.
"I'll help you," although I had said it numerous times in our argument, something forced its way out of my tightened mouth again. He looked up at me questioning what I'd meant, raising one eyebrow "you know, with the whole spell thing. I'll help you. We can look at whatever spells are in the grimoires here."
"Look, I don't need your help and I don't really remember ever wanting it." His sarcasm laced with truth to insult me. He was so hard to break through to... and I felt almost guilty for even trying to make myself talk sense into him.
"Okay," I finally surrendered my persistence, catching him off guard, as he stared at me, "but when you're dying, don't come back trying to get my help." I stomped away, wishing that things had been different and wondering what wrong turn I took that warranted me all of this.
My fingers barely grasped the door knob before his voice called out, "Wait." I turned around, watching his face turn into one of shame, as he barely managed to look me in the eye.
l was frustrated between the two sides there seemed to be of Kai Parker, not knowing which one I'd get everytime we talked. Sometimes, I'd get both in the matter of seconds.
Every so often, my body became weak in exhaustion from disappointment. The type of weak where you feel like someone just laid 20 pounds of stone across your chest and shoulders. The type where it felt like breathing wasn't an option. I guess somewhere inside, I realized my trip here was wasted time and I regretted ever coming back.
"Fine." His eyes still refused to settle onto mine, like it'd be the worst thing to do. The tension broke in the room, slightly into tiny sharp fragments and I let out a breathy sigh.
Kai didn't really spend much time talking to me at all after that... our argument. I didn't oblige because I really didn't care about talking after any of that.
We were sat on the living room floor, books scattered among us and pages torn. Somewhere along the way, Kai turned the stereo on and music traveled from the top of the fireplace to our ears.
"Really? This is the seventh time you've played this song," I brushed my eyebrow with my hand, turning another page of the book in front of me. His eyes moved from the page he focused on towards me, furrowing his eyebrows in response to my complaint.
"So? It's a good song," Kai defended, beginning to hum the tune and drown my words out intentionally. Annoyingly, he began tapping his boots against the floor and just lightly enough to create an irritating sound that interrupted me from reading.
I eyed his boots, looking up from my book to yell at him and I met the face of someone else. Damon? Again.
The book thudded to the ground from my hand and I got up quickly from the floor. "What the hell?" I muttered to myself, and watched in horror as he mirrored my movements. He looked so... real. So... terrifying.
He said nothing, following me in my direction as I ran to the door of the boarding house. Something in me told me to run, even if it was fake. As I came up to the door, the knob resisted my twist and it seemed to be locked.
Fuck.
I turned around slowly, flinching when he came face to face with me. His breath fanned my skin and he began to reel his head back, launching for my throat. In a panic, I glanced at the umbrella stand near the entrance and reached for a wooden handle umbrella, sticking it into my chest.
If I died, there'd be no hallucination. I'd be okay and at peace.
Unfortunately, the peace was short lived because the prison world existed. I couldn't die here. But I figured out that killing myself was the only way I could escape the effects of the spell.
Waking up, Kai was above me and seemingly waiting for me to come back. I sat myself up instantly, after taking my first breath of air. As I began to stand up, Kai's hands wrapped my shoulders and forced me to sit back down. "Relax," rolling his eyes before landing back on me, "What happened this time?"
My shock started to wear off and I pushed his hands off my shoulders, "Same thing." Apparently this wasn't enough for him because he stood there waiting for more details.
"Damon. I hallucinated Damon," I swallowed before continuing, "The only way out of the hallucinations is killing yourself."
"So, let me get this straight, you killed yourself during the hallucination not knowing if you'd come back?" when I don't answer he scoffed, "You're dumber than I thought you were."
I glared at him, pushing myself up and walking to the stairs. "Where are you going?" he called out, causing me to whip around angrily.
"To clean myself off. You know, the blood isn't really comfortable." Sarcasm laced my voice and I walked up the stairs towards the bathroom.
I could barely glance at my reflection as I passed the mirror and did my best to avoid the gaze of my own self looking back at me. Blood was everywhere, it was mine.
And for the millionth time, at the end of the day I find myself staring into nothingness. Trying to attach the stars and figure out how I could have ended up here.
Coming out of the shower, I went into Stefan's bedroom to find something lying on the bed. It was clothes. Kai must've left them there. A classic move from him. A wordless act of his version of kindness. Nonetheless, I still wore them, even if Stefan had numerous outfits in the drawers of his room.
