𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒾 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹 - coriolanus snow

blue as the sky

The guilt was creeping up on Elsie. Every day that past was another reminder that she had betrayed her friend. A friend who had already been through so much. Every time Elsie would see Lucy Gray her stomach twisted into a small knot and the guilt made her nauseous. The weight that she had previously felt landed back on her chest and she could barely breathe when she was around Coriolanus. She couldn't look him in the eye anymore, the guilt enveloped her soul when she did. She would just learn to stop feeling how she did towards him. She could do that.

She had been invited on yet another trip to the lake and since she always loved those trips people would find it suspicious if she didn't go. She would just have to avoid him, how hard could that be? If he looked at her she wouldn't be aware because the last thing she would do was look at him. 

Her fingers methodically tapped the wooden dock beneath them. Her head swayed as she quietly sang to herself. She watched her friends as they swam just a few meters away from her. The younger ones were roughhousing and playing while the adults lied on their backs basking in the summer sun. She looked around the water and spotted them, Lucy Gray hung on his back. She could smell the moss and the grass. The scents would come and go wafting up her nose. She just needed to breathe and forget. She slowly laid backwards, the warm wood touching her back. She looked up at the sky avoiding the sun. She smiled to herself looking at the clouds in the sky. She tried to find their shapes. 

Blue skies. The colour of his eyes. 

She raised her arms and began playing with them, she was bored, yes, but it was better than sitting at home thinking about him. She felt a small hand grasp her leg and she slowly lifted her head to look up at whoever it was. A little boy with blonde hair looked at her, his eyes were big and brown. Elsie smiled at him and sat up completely. 

"What is it?" She asked softly and he moved closer towards her. She was confused, why wasn't he speaking? He was chatty, he always had something to say. Her hands burnt from the tension of her body weight resting on them and the wood beneath them. The small boy moved closer towards her before speaking.

"I'm tired." He looked at her, his eyes big and deep. His arms moved forwards and back by his sides as he watched her. Elsie smiled back at him before moving off of her hands and crossing her legs across each other. She patted her thighs with her hands softly signalling that he could sit down on her. The little boy quickly moved to sit down in the centre of her crossed legs, resting his back into her chest, his head finding the crook of her neck. Her arms moved back to hold both their weights now and she looked down at the little boy and back up to the lake. 

There he was, looking at her. Elsie smiled at Coriolanus and he smiled back. God she hated pretty he was. His eyes reflecting the sunlight into hers. If it weren't for Lucy Gray she would have jumped into his arms. But she couldn't, Lucy Gray was already in them. A burning sensation started in her heart and her eyes began to fill as she looked at them. The feeling of her stomach dropping down to her hips was not pleasant. He had kissed her and still stayed with Lucy Gray. He had kissed her and decided it didn't mean enough to break Lucy's heart. She wasn't enough for him. She watched as he parted ways with Lucy Gray and began to swim over to the dock. Her breath hitched as she watched him move through the water, her chest rising and falling slightly faster than it was before the closer he got. When he got to her, he rested his hands on the dock, making sure he stayed in place. The water moved around Coriolanus but he stayed.

"You haven't gotten in the water." He stated. It was true, she hadn't got in the water. Not because she didn't want to but he was in the water with Lucy Gray and she'd be alone. It was better to create a distance between him and her. 

"I don't feel like it.. plus," She manoeuvred her head down at the sleeping little boy enveloped in her arms, "I can't." She smiled down at him. His head was still resting in the crook in her shoulder blade. He nodded at her smiling, her eyes connecting with his making her heartrate accelerate and her breath hitching. 

"I'm sorry." He muttered quietly look down to fidget with his fingers, the wood undeneath them darker. Elsie couldn't tell if it was the shadow or the wetness from the water. She was taken-a-back, she didn't realise he had anything to be sorry about.

"'Bout what?" She responded curiously, she really didn't know what he meant. She couldn't begin to imagine what he could apologise for, she was the one making the air thick and unbreathable around them. She was the one who wasn't looking at him.

"For staying with her." Oh. She sucked in a long breath and looked down at the boy in her arms, he was still, his chest rising slowly and then falling back down. The burning sensation in her heart stopped, in fact she felt her entire body stop working as she looked back up at him. She wanted him to look at her with love but instead the look she was met with was a one of pity. The burning feeling returned and she smiled trying to convince him it meant nothing, but she also tried to convince herself.

"Don't worry about it," She smiled at him. It was going to break, SHE was going to break. Her eyes had to express what she was feeling because he rested a hand on her knee, looking up at her. The skin around his hand tingled as she looked down to it in surprise.

"I led you on." Her stomach fell. He didn't mean it. He kissed her out of impulse. He didn't mean what he said. She focused on breathing, looking at his eyes. Blue as the sky. 

"Lucy Gray needs you." She quietly whispered as she looked at where his girlfriend was. She was treading water looking at his back. She needed him to leave. Elsie couldn't look at him any longer. She just wanted him to forget about her, it would make it easier for her to move on. His head whipped around and he took a last look at Elsie before swimming towards Lucy Gray. She sat in silence before looking down at the little blonde boy in her arms. "Don't fall in love with somebody who doesn't need you." She whispered to him. She knew he couldn't hear her yet she hoped some part of him would collect the information she had given him. Her eyes would never meet his again unless he wanted them too she promised herself. She knew that he wanted Lucy Gray. He had made his decision and she had expected it and she knew it was the only option.  So why was she still hurt? 

Authors note: 

Hi! I'm Sophie! I just want to thank you if you've made it this far into this little story of mine. If you have any suggestions please let me know! I will come out with new chapters every day or every other, haven't decided yet. I still can't believe I'm doing this, living out my little delusions. Also, if you notice any mistakes it's because I'm too lazy to actually go back and read my own writing, it gives me second hand embarrassment. 

Anyways, love ya!