A shy reference librarian, and a college student who was disowned when she refused to submit to conversion therapy, meet in a bookstore. He's been waiting his whole life for her. Meanwhile, she's starting her whole life over. What ensues between the...
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We're snuggled on the couch going through Magister's latest haul of independently published newsletters and small-press BDSM periodicals. The air conditioner is going full blast, and the couch is right in front of it; on a miserably hot day like today, this is the only way to stay comfortable. I'm getting a crash course in scene etiquette and traditions. From what I've seen so far, I don't think I want to get involved, but Magister thought it would be a good idea for me to at least be familiar with my own subculture, which seems sensible enough. There are, at any rate, worse ways to spend a muggy August morning.
There is apparently a bandanna for every kink that exists - at least, for every common and relatable kink. Somehow, I don't see too many people advertising a fondness for inflatable doll worship, or for sex with luggage, or for necrophilia.
Wearing a scarf or some other prominent accessory on the left side indicates a preference for doing, while wearing the same article on the right side of the body indicates a desire to have the same action done to you. There doesn't appear to be much mixing and matching. The convention also doesn't seem to be strictly limited to gay bars anymore, although that's where it originated. Now I know why he tied the black silk scarf onto my right wrist when he gave it to me. Black is for edge play, pain, and extremes in general. Extreme. That would be us.
"I must admit, I find some of these paraphilias baffling, but de gustibus non est disputandem. I wonder what a tie-dyed scarf would indicate?" I ask him.
"An LSD fetish?"
I elbow him in the ribs and go back to reading.
And grimace.
"Good grief, this is sexist," I complain. "Where are the women who play the top? Are we really that rare?"
"Hardly. Professionally, for instance, the vast majority of female sex workers who cater to kink are dominatrixes - which makes sense, if you think about it. It takes a lot of trust simply to submit to someone you know. Submitting to a client whom you've never even met before getting sent out by an escort agency? That takes a rare and special kind of nerve. And unfortunately, sexual assault is a very real hazard of sex work, and women who do sex work are disproportionately at risk. Add to that the general perception that people who play the bottom do so because they want to be abused, and - well. Professional submissives of both sexes receive very high client fees as a result, about twice as much as dominatrixes do, because dominatrixes are so much more common. In the scene, meanwhile? It depends on where you live and what group you belong to. Most of the groups I know of in the Midwest do indeed cater to male dominants and female submissives, when the couples are of both sexes. I'm not sure why. It might be because we live in a conservative part of the country, and there's some unresolved tension regarding gender roles. Move west to California and you'll find it more common for groups to be predominantly comprised of dominant women and submissive men, if they aren't single-sex pairings. Dominant men like me are as scarce as hen's teeth in San Francisco, at least, those of us who also happen to be heterosexual."
