Do I Deserve This? (JOHNNIE GUILBERT X READER)

Chapter 3: The Night After The Party

  Johnnie opens the door and moves his hand, suggesting that I go first. I carefully walk into his house as he walks behind me, closing and locking the door. This is new, I haven't spent the night with someone in forever. It was weird, but not bad. I'm glad I'm spending tonight with him, it's nice being able to spend more time with Johnnie.
He takes off his leather jacket and places it on the couch then walks over to me. "Are you hungry?" I ask. "Kind of, yeah," he says. So I grab a pan, butter, tortillas, and cheese. A Grilled cheese sandwich. Those were my favorites as a child, they's all I ever ate, I made one almost every day. "Sit down on the couch, I'll be done soon," I say to him. But he doesn't go, he just sits there on the stool, staring at me. It almost makes me blush. I turn the knob, putting the stove on medium heat. Then, I put butter on the stove and watch as it gradually melts. I turn around to Johnnie and see him still looking at me. He seems to have drifted off, his eyes mesmerized by me. ME? Me of all people? Why does he like me?... Why can't I just accept the fact that someone likes me? Why can't I just love myself for once?... I sit there for a few seconds, looking back at him...he finally notices that I'm staring at him back. He quickly looks away, embarrassed. That makes me embarrassed, so I look away as well and continue cooking. I put a tortilla on the stove and proceeded to sprinkle cheese on it. Once I'm done cooking I clear my throat and turn around, placing the plate next to Johnnie. "Here, all done!". Johnnie looks at me with a smile forming on his face, "you know you really didn't have to" he says. I wanted to make it for him though, "No, I wanted to! Plus you haven't Aten all day so I'm sure you're starving" I say. He starts to eat while I clean up until he notices I don't make myself anything to eat. "You're not gonna eat?" he said. "No, no I'm fine...I'm not really hungry, don't worry about me." he looks at me with a worried face. "But you didn't eat at the party, you can have mine if you want." my body starts to curl on the inside. I can't eat. I'll be fat, and we don't want that, right? I'm already fat enough. I pause for a moment, not being able to speak. Trying to come up with something to say. "Uhh...I just...I am really not hungry right now," I say, quietly, hoping he just drops it. "Okay," he says and I continue to clean up.

  Once I'm done I go to take a shower. I walk up the stairs, get a towel from the storage closet, and continue walking to the bathroom. The bathroom is in Johnnie's bedroom so I have to walk through his room in order to get there. I open the door and walk through his room but stop for a moment to analyze it for a bit. I walked around his room peeking at certain things. He has guitars organized against his wall, band posters hung all around the wall, and Funko pops laid at the head of his bed. His room was decently clean, but there was clutter in some places around his room. After snooping around his room, I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower water on. I put it at the highest setting, I can't stand cold showers or even warm showers. I get undressed and step one foot into the shower, feeling the hot, burning water comes in contact with my skin. Once I get used to the heat I step another foot and eventually get into the shower completely. I feel every drop of the boiling water hit my skin, one by one. I look around the shower for shampoo, but there's only head and shoulders 2 in 1. I guess that'll do. I hate the smell of men's shampoo...I mean it smells good on other people but I just don't like myself smelling like that. The smell grosses me out, I prefer fruity smells like watermelon and coconut. Once I am done rinsing my body I carefully step out of the shower. Johnnie lended me some of his clothes since I didn't think to bring any. As for panties, thankfully I brought a pair just in case at the party. Well, I actually brought two and I used one after getting my period. I'm do glad I did that, I would've myself if I didn't. After drying off I lifted up the shirt he chose for me, it was a plaid, red flannel paired with black pajama pants. I take the shirt and put it around my body. I'm so glad he gave me something long sleeve...I have scars on my arms, I try not to look at them because every time I do it makes me feel even worse about myself. So I avoid wearing short sleeves, but when I do, I usually just cover my wrists with bracelets or arm warmers. I hold up the pants and quickly slip them on.