Just my diary
I'm writing for myself, but if you want you can read it of course
About me:
~Girl
~19
~INFP
~98% introvert
~drawing, dancing, singing, editing, reading, athletic, music, kpop, writing...
~plushie obsessed
~light academia (aesthetic)
~c...
Early? Guess what I was late again I had like 5 minutes until I had a be at the bus stop but I decided to shower instead. When I arrived I spoke to the teacher because I had an idea I wanted to do a class trip to the district court and he said it was okay and that we could do it after coming back to school.
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Today was our last school day and I hate it I really don't want to do the practica I couldn't even decide what I want to do I was forced to go to a kindergarten! It's not that I hate kids don't understand me wrong, but I have a very low tolerance for socialising with anyone. Especially kids because they always need attention so it's really energy draining and I get exhausted too fast.
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Even that it was the last school day we still had to write a test in art.. sounds easy, well that's true in my case. We had to draw two sides of a comic and the second part was to describe why we had created the comic like this. Yeah.. would have been easy, but we didn't had enough time that was the problem. See I wasn't the only one who didn't finished but I wish I would have at least wrote two sentences. I'm crying I really loved the task but I couldn't even finish the pictures and I'm not really happy how they turned out they look like a child's drawing. I could have done way better when I would have had enough time.
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It looks so undynamic and unprofessional. If you look closely I tried to safe the pictures by adding details like the wood-planks and the animals behind the ship portholes but it didn't changed anything I'm sad..
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The last lesson was nutrition and the half class decided to skip. My other classmates where really annoyed about that and talked to the teacher so they would write down all the names of the students that skipped to write them an email.
We have to change the classroom after the practica and so we cleaned up the complete room. When we were about to leave she came over to me once again stroking my fluffy jacket. She stood so close I got nervous. She repeated what she had said the previous day, that I look so fluffy and I said I needed to put a chair up.
Today Del was also in class again but she has a really complicated personality and always fights back at anyone when she feels hurt in her pride which is really often. So she expected me to walk with her to the bus stop like always but I wanted to go with Leo again. The problem was that Del had made a big scene Infront of the class today, talking back at the teacher without a stop and then even fighting other students who tried to stop her. Sometimes I'm feel really uncomfortable being her friend (school friend). I will try to explain it like this; I don't say much and having someone by my side (sometimes when I don't even want it) who has no filter in some cases.. doesn't it looks like I'm having the same opinion when I don't say anything back about her opinion? I don't want people to think her opinion is my opinion! To get to the point Leo was probably annoyed or something because of Del but I'm not sure, after saying that I'm fluffy she left really fast. Why ? I wish I knew but I can't read minds and I think it would be not the best superpower to receive.
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As I said before I have a low social tolerance and some people are triggering it even more. Del tested unknowingly my patients, isn't it obviously that you don't want to interact with people when you wear earphones? I needed time for myself but she decided to stand next to me when she clearly saw I was working on my homework. It's not easy to concentrate when someone eats their bread next to your ear and starres at your homework. I'm sorry I make her sound so bad actually she can be fun to be around with because when I don't want to talk that much she just keeps on rambling about her sisters and mostly her beloved dog.
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My mum mad lunch for my sister herself and me but she has created a new habit since a few weeks which makes me feel sad maybe jealous. Mom is always listening to her colleagues and Friends on audio massages instead of taking to us then when she's done she goes back to the bedroom and talk's to them. So yeah I feel left out. When I see her and we eat food on the same table her priority are always the audio massages. And today when she left the table I was alone with my sister, she hates me for a reason I don't know and to not make the situation worse we stayed silent for about 15 minutes an uncomfortable silence. Then she started playing her music which she knew I didn't like and I gave up talking some things from the table to the kitchen and continuing to eat in my room.
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Happy birthday Moonbin. I didn't even knew him that long before he passed away but I guess I'm a very sensitive person so I cried and I was really sad about the News that he passed away (k1lled himself). Today would have been his 26th birthday and I saw a lot of videos of him. I cried again.. I cried until I decided to edit an birthday edit for him too. So I did and I noticed his smile looks so similar to mine, the way his eyes are squeezing into halfmoon's and the way the form of his mouth looks like while smiling and even how it looks like when we start smiling. He was such a sunshine I'm really sad, this world was too hard on this angle.
