secrets better kept // jaspar

01

- Joe -

I knew my limits.

I knew that one more bite was too much. I knew that telling someone that I ate was always going to be a lie. I knew that long sleeves hid more than short sleeves. I knew that a fake smile hid many secrets. 

I knew how to hide everything.

"Joe, you ready yet?" My roommate,  Marcus, asked. Marcus and I had lived together for about three months and he's never found out any of my secrets. I found out his, though. I knew he was keeping it from everyone that he was seeing a girl. I knew that, yeah, he was probably going to move in with her sometime soon and that I was going to get thrown to the side like I always had.

"Yeah, be out in a second." I replied, throwing on a pair of skinny jeans and a jumper. In all honesty, no, I was not ready. Marcus had told me to get ready thirty minutes ago but did I do that? Spoiler, the answer is no. I have better things to do then go buy a meal, take two bites, then wait for Marcus to go to the bathroom to throw it away. I'm lucky my roommate has to piss so often, otherwise I don't know what I'd do.

We walked upstairs when I left my room, Marcus complaining about how long I took. I thought I did pretty good for someone who procrastinated everything until the last minute. I guess that was just me, though, so I shouldn't expect a high five from Marcus anytime soon. I grabbed my Vans by the front door and put them on.

"I think Jim is going to come, too. That alright?" Marcus asked me, and I just nodded, grabbing my phone and my wallet. I hate that Marcus is a shit cooker so he always insists on going out to eat, causing me to just waste my own money on food that I refuse to eat. I mean, I'm a pretty good cook, but I get tired easily, and I would just exhaust myself trying to cook one meal. Not a pretty sight, seeing me cook. Not at all. And if cooking a meal tired me out that much, you'll understand why I dreaded walking down the six flights of stairs in our apartment building while they repaired the elevator.

"Marcus, odds on you carrying me down these stairs?" I asked as we approached the first flight of stairs. Most apartments here were kind of shitty, Marcus and I being one of the only ones with a nicer one. The downside of that was that it was on the sixth floor.

"One to one hundred." Marcus answered, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the stairs. I groaned, pulling my arm away from his grip and walking on my own. He's a much bigger guy than me; you think he'd understand that just because it doesn't wear him out doesn't mean it doesn't wear me out, too. 

"Fuck you." I said, putting my hands in my pockets and continuing the walk down the stairs. I was already pretty tired by the time we reached the third flight, so I took my right hand out of my pocket and used the railing to help me survive the rest.

When we reached the bottom of the steps, I went to take a seat on one of the couches they had on the bottom floor. I was grateful that we had to wait for Jim, meaning I could take a break and sit here. I laid my head back on the couch, closing my eyes.

"You alright, mate?" Marcus asked, taking a seat beside me. I could hear him typing on his phone, though I didn't know if it was Jim of that girl he was hiding from me that he was talking to. It's not like he ever talked to anyone else other than those two. He barely even talks to me sometimes, but I'm not complaining; I prefer to be alone anyway.

"Tired." I replied, truthfully. I was very tired and I really wished I had just told Marcus no for once. He didn't reply, instead just staying on his phone while he waited for Jim. I could've played on my phone, too, but I had no games and the only people I could text is Zoe and my dad, them being the only two I haven't been ignoring lately. Including Marcus, obviously, since I lived with him. Today was going to be one of the first times I had associated with Jim in awhile, too.

"Hey, lads." Jim said, walking over to us. I heard Marcus stand up, though I just stayed put, eyes still closed. I heard Marcus sigh before he grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

"I was catching up on the sleep that you stopped me from having." I said as we started our walk to the place. All this walking was going to kill me, but I can't say I'm against that happening. The walk there was short and I didn't really talk much, instead going on Twitter. I had to view notifications that I needed to check. 

There was only tree, one being from Zoe, saying something about the collabs we filmed recently. The other being from Alfie and Tyler, them both saying we needed to film together soon. I retweeted Zoe's and I responded to the two boys, saying that we definitely needed to film together soon. I probably wouldn't ever get around to it, though, since I would always be too busy. When I'm not filming, I'm at a meeting, and when I'm not at a meeting, I'm sleeping. It's kind of sad, really, how often I do nothing and tell myself I'm doing something.

"Joe, come on. You're in your own world again." Marcus said, sighing. He kind of gets on my nerves sometimes. I don't care if I'm a little behind them. It's not like they're including me in their conversation anyway.

"Shut up, Marcus." I said, walking a little faster to catch up with them. I talk a lot of smack for someone who's over five inches shorter than them and a little under a hundred pounds.

"Smile a bit more, Joe." Jim said, laughing and putting his arm around my shoulders, which would've been really nice if I was a bit stronger and it didn't feel like he was just weighing me down more, but I didn't say anything. I always liked Jim. I definitely would've lived with him instead of Marcus if he wasn't living with Tanya.

We soon arrived to the restaurant and ordered. Once again, I got by without eating anything.

~