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I did such a great job at distracting myself that even when the doubt slipped in, I didn't notice it. I forgot the way that doubt used to haunt me and how questions used to linger for days unanswered, head swimming in anxiety and uneasiness. Now I let it pass through like the clouds do in the night sky waving at the moon and carrying on. But then I can never sleep again because if I do the unsettlement settles in. I was born wicked. Things were turned all wrong on the inside but when I look over and see who i'm laying beside it doesn't even matter because it's good. The way his eyes move as he's dreaming makes me wish I could do that but I barely sleep anymore. It isn't the doubt that something is that keeps me up now. It's the daunting that maybe there's nothing. It's four in the morning now and my phone lights up the dark room as a text notification comes through.
Message from ??? to Royo 3:57 AM
??? You up?
Royo No
??? Me either
??? Are you mad at me?
??? I feel like i'm making a mistake. But, I also feel like moving on is a good step for both of us. How are you feeling?
Royo Idk how I feel
Royo Shit been weird before yesterday so I guess it wasn't really a shock. But I wish you wouldve done it different. I wish Doom didn't know me and his son had sex. I wish I wasn't a fucking hinderance to your success. I wish you was a fighter or whatever. But aye
??? I AGREE ??? It was dumb to put it all on my dad ??? You think we can be cool? ??? Royo I really need you in my life
Royo Wyd right now? Royo Why are you texting me?
??? I can't sleep and this is why I can't sleep so I needed to talk to you
Royo I really just wanna say fuck you and turn my phone off
??? Roy
Royo Suge
??? Just come see me tomorrow
Royo Why
??? I just want you in my life ??? I'm scared
??? unsent a message
??? Please.
Royo I saw your highlights. You're doing fine without me Royo You're asking for the impossible again Royo If I can't kiss you no more I don't want you in my life. How is that hard to understand? I don't want to be your friend, Suge. If that's all you want then leave me tf alone. Royo You never ever thought about me. You just liked that you were all I thought about. Maybe it is the best step for us to move on. I gotta think about myself since nobody else is
