kiss me - webbert/jahnnie

3 - relapse

(Johnnie's pov)

TW!!: SH

I wrapped my arms around my knees, laying my head down on top of them. Jake and I were sitting on the couch. He was on his phone while I was staring into space, still thinking about the party.

"Johnnie." Jake said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?" I replied. "I know something's been bothering you lately. I'm not saying you have to tell me what it is right now, I just.... I wanna make sure it wasn't me." He whispered the last part, moving away from my gaze.

"No! No, no, no. It's not you... It's just me. I'm just being emotional." I said, not wanting to bring up what happened last night. At that party. In that bathroom.

I started to cry.

Again.

I'm such a crybaby.

"Shit. I'm sorry. You shouldn't need to deal with this. I'm a grown man." I mumble as I walk upstairs to my room.

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(Jake's POV)

Johnnie walked upstairs, leaving me sitting on the couch. What happened that was so bad it made him cry? It surely couldn't have been me... Right?

Great. Now this would be tugging at me all day. I had to figure out what happened to him. I guess I'll just wait it out until he comes back out of his room.

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It's been hours of me just sitting on the couch, scrolling on my phone. He still hasn't come out of his room yet. Johnnie is really starting to worry me. I don't want him to slip back down into a depressive episode again. Did I cause this? It had to have been something to do with me if he doesn't even wanna see my face.

I decided to man up and just go upstairs to his room. As I stood outside of his room, I hesitated before knocking.

I was scared of what he would say. Maybe he didn't even want to talk to me. Or I'm just worried about nothing. I finally gave a small knock on the door. "Hm?" A small noise came from inside. I took that as a "you can come in" kind of gesture, so I opened the door.

Johnnie was laid down on the bed curled up into a ball, facing away from me. He looked so lonely... and miserable. "Hey, you okay?" I whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet in the room. No response.

Was he asleep or something? I walked over to him, peeking over his body to see his face. Sure enough, he was asleep. Small breaths came out of his mouth. God, he looked so pretty. Jesus, Jake snap out of it. He's your best friend.

I realized I probably look like a creep. Shit. I better get out of here before he wakes up. I guess I'll just talk to him later. I walked over to my room, shutting the door behind me. I laid down on the bed, closing my eyes. I guess I'll just take a nap...

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(Johnnie's pov)

I opened my eyes, awaking from what felt like only a few minutes of sleep. I reached over to me phone, turning it on to check the time. It was 2:00 am. Jesus. I took a pretty long nap. I can't fall asleep now. I'm wide awake.

I sat there for a minute. Just staring at my bedroom wall. I'm so stupid. What happened at that party was my fault. I should've just gone with Jake to get drinks. I'm such a stupid crybaby. I can't go one second without crying.

My eyes fluttered over to the small black pocket knife sitting on my dresser. No, Johnnie. Don't do it. Stop. You're over a year clean, you don't wanna start this up again. You know that you'll never stop once you've began.

I couldn't help myself. I walked over to my dresser, picking up the pocket knife and sitting back down on my bed. I hesitated before pulling up my sleeve and flicking the pocket knife open.

I dug the blade deep into my skin, doing this multiple times until my arm was covered in oozing blood. Shit. What have I done? I just relapsed over some shitty situation I could've avoided.

I placed the pocket knife down on my bed, whole body shaking. God. I flopped down onto my bed, arm still drenched in blood from the cuts, pocket knife laid right next to me. Before I knew it, I was passed out on my bed... Drifting into a restless sleep.

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Woahhh two posts in one dayyyyy exciting, ik. I'm thinking that I'll post a chapter of this fanfic every night, so be ready for more parts!!

Also I just watched the movie called mysterious skin and I'm currently sobbing. It was so sad. You should def watch it.

Anywaysss I'll update basically every night! ILYG SMM AND HOPE U LOVED THIS CHAPTER <33

Word count: 820