Life After You And Me

Traumatic Recollections

"It was definitely the green car."
My eyes widen in astonishment at the blatant words that escape the boy's lips.

"The car was most definitely not the green one. It was black and it had a bend on the left back door."

"It was green."

"No it wasn't! I remember she always had Loubitons on. Her car was black."
My breath is a little bit heavier than I'd like.

The boy who sits before me starts laughing hysterically and do not ignore the urge to roll my eyes.

"I spent a lot of time at home. Trust me, it was black."
His laughter stops and a more serious expression makes a rare appearance. I hate how familiar I've gotten with that look.

This is the part Evin asks me a serious question that entails my wellbeing.

I take a piece of bacon to someone escape his stare. We were just talking about our old neighbor Julius and the many female visitors he used to have but of course Evin found a way to make the conversation serious.

I wait for the question to come.

"Yeah, I remember that. Always walking the dog on your own or working on the garden."

A pregnant silence ensues. I know he wants to ask or comment on something but he won't actually do it.

Usually I change the subject, but today,

"I never really had a lot of friends, I was never good at making them."

It would be so easy to blame Olli for the fact that I stayed home by myself for the majority of our marriage, but I didn't have to stay home.

I could've easily went out and made friends, I could've picked up a hobby, but I stayed indoor and expected Olli to do that too and that wasn't fair.

"What about you? I don't remember you being very outgoing yourself."
Evin has always been a very reserved person, at least I'm realising now.

He was my neighbor and I hardly knew much about him. To be fair, we never really talked about our personal lives.

I was his weird younger neighbor who got close to his daughter.

"Yeah, I wasn't. Still not if I'm being honest. When we met... I was going through some stuff. And instead of letting myself face my problems, I dove deeper and deep into work. I mean that got me La Chèvre and of course that's going great but  Jess can barely stand the site of me now.

She's always been so strong, I guess I didn't think she would need more than just therapy to deal with the fact that her mother didn't want us anymore.

I'm sorry... I'm not outgoing."

I smile at his outburst because I've never seen him so open before, it's refreshing.

Evin always looks like he's got his shit together.

"You don't need to apologize. And honestly, I'm the last person to even begin to judge you. Where is Jess?"

I haven't seen her since before my divorce. We used to be so close until we weren't. She probably thinks I abandoned her.

"She's at her mom's, staying there for school. I guess Angi decided she was ready to be a mother again, and Jess was happy to have a parent that was more dependable."