Life After You And Me

Red Lipstick

"If there was ever a week you needed to go out, it's this one."
I hear Sego continue to make her point from behind me as I try hard to focus on the matter at hand.

I pull the loose string from my bag that's been bugging me the whole of today, careful not to unravel the whole thing and possibly ruin my cheap but very dependable bag.

It's supposed to last at least a few months, I don't currently have a budget to buy a new bag so I need to be extra cautious with my fix. I might be able to take it to someone to sew it but I'm hoping to avoid that.

I need to stay away from spending money unnecessarily as much as possible. Zoe's birthday is coming up and I have a perfect gift I'm planning to get for her.

"Are you even listening to us right now?"
Elizna joins in on the argument frustratingly as I keep my focus on the issue still at hand. If the string is somehow pulled on my way home, I should forget about having a bag for at least 2 months. I already budgeted for my next few salaries.

"Isabella!!!"

Sego decides to scream so loud I wouldn't be surprised if an ambulance suddenly stops by.

"I already said no."

My voice is way lower than hers. When you have as many problems as I do, you don't sweat the small stuff.

I haven't joined our "Friday night raves" lately. The simple reason for that is I don't want to make Evin feel uncomfortable.

He's been actively ignoring me since our breakfast fiasco and I've been trying hard to accommodate his sudden disinterest. I don't want to be in his proximity if I disgust him that much.

So for the past few days since our grueling encounter, I've been making sure I'm not around when he comes to the restaurant... I also noticed he doesn't make as many visits as he did before, of course that only strengthens my conspiracies. 

I no longer come in earlier than everyone else just so I can allow him the space to do his morning duties without having to endure the sight of me.

I can't tell any of that to the girls though, so I simply say,

"I'm really tired. I'm just going to spend the evening with my daughter."

"Ha! I knew you were going to try and use that excuse. If you're going to lie, at least keep up with the lies. We know Olli fetched her today, his custody week has officially started."

Darn it! I forgot I told them about our alternating weeks, now I can never use the mommy excuse when Zoe's away.

"Still guys..."

"Still what? Isabella, you need this. We need this for you. Honestly, I don't know how you keep it together so well, you're so strong. What happened this week was not cool at all."

Well... that's a little inaccurate, I barely keep it together, they just don't see the ugly parts. Nobody does - But there are more than plenty ugly parts that go around when no one's looking.

Maybe I hide it well but 'strong' is the last word I would use to describe myself.

I don't say all that to them, because again, I can't let it show. The last thing I want is for people to pity me. That would make me feel worse.