Life After You And Me

Kryptonite

Logic and desire resemble a combination of oil and water. The knowing that what we're often drawn to is undeniably bad for us.

Yet, somehow we can't resist its magnetic pull. The irresistible force that weakens our very core and makes us question the growth we've apparently embarked on.

Every one of us has a kryptonite; a weakness.

Mine is six foot tall and has an alluring British accent that is still the subject of my wet dreams.

Every fiber of my being screams warnings and I see flashes of red lights in my mind whenever he's around. Rational thoughts whisper caution in his proximity, reminding me of the consequences that await me.

But as always, there is an inexplicable allure, an intoxication that clouds my judgment and drowns out reason.

Today, however, I somehow manage to survive his mighty wrath.

Perhaps it's because I spent the entirety of the day thinking about this very encounter - what it could possibly mean and maybe even potentially lead to. 

One thing was for certain once I reached a painful conclusion; if he wanted me back, we would be back together right now. But instead, he's getting married to someone else.

No matter how hard-headed and delusional I may choose to be, that is the reality.

I do a quick touch-up on the blood-stained lipstick on my lips before finally exiting the Uber. The matte substance is only there to give me confidence, nothing else. I've recently learned about the magnifying power of a red lipstick. 

Today I have it on as a shield... a mask. It's supposed to make me look tougher than I actually am. I'm not tough but he doesn't need to know that.

The beige dress I'm wearing hangs on my body loosely because of the weight loss over the months, but it manages to hold on to the necessary edges quite fondly.

I fix my posture after exiting the car then finally make my way to the magnificent restaurant that stands confidently before me.

Paletzo is a famous competitor of La Chevre and I feel like a traitor as I enter through the inviting doors. Evin birthed an incredible restaurant but even I can admit true elegance when I see it.

It's definitely a competitor for a reason.

I'm directed to a booth table after checking in and I'm welcomed by a sharply dressed ex-husband who pulls the chair out for me.

I don't appreciate the chivalry - I don't appreciate that he chose such a high-end restaurant either. If he intended to not give me the wrong idea, he failed miserably. It's like he's doing it on purpose, the man can't possibly be that clueless.

He must think I'm naive. In his defense, I am.

 But not today. Because by some miracle, I have managed to successfully convince myself that all he is to me, and all he'll ever be, is my baby's father. I don't see how that could ever change... realistically.

So I keep a composed attitude when I greet him and then proceed to let his comment about how beautiful I look slide. 

Once I finally take a seat on the chair he pulled out for me, I can't help but,