Beau Monde ✅

Chapter 18

Ayaan Fadel.

Maroudi, Nigeria.

10 Years Ago

I was there when it happened; I'm not proud to admit though. Not because I had a hand in it, quite the contrary, but because I couldn't do anything to stop, or help it.

It's hard to explain how helpless, and worthless I feel at the moment. I could barely gather my thoughts together—it's simply all over the place. Have you ever been in a situation where you wonder what you're supposed to do, only to end up more clueless?

That's how I'm feeling at the moment.

A knock on the door captured my attention, though it sounded so distant then. Before I could get myself together and turn around though, I heard the door push open and then a familiar voice came through. "Ya Mammad, Mami said you should come downstairs; daddy is back."

I wanted to turn around, or at least give her a decent response but I couldn't. I felt as though she was only making the situation worse, when she truly isn't. Of course, it's my fault. I'm the one going through a tough time, and was about to project his anger and frustration on someone innocent.

When she didn't get any response from me, my younger sister, Anisa, took a few steps further into the room. I couldn't see her, considering my back was facing her. However, I could still faintly hear the sound of her footsteps as she approached where I stood by the window—staring outside blankly; not that I could see much.

It's already night time, and even the lights surrounding the house could only brighten certain places not all. The darkness however, brought comfort to me in a way—it was a reflection of how I felt at the moment.

Like I'd bee plunged into a never-ending sea of darkness.

"Ya Mammad?" She called out softly, as she got closer. On normal basis, I always threw a fuss about how she'd address me as that. She's no longer a kid; she's fifteen for crying out loud and could pronounce my name well, not like when she was younger.

She's been so used to it though, that she simply grew up calling me that instead of 'Muhammad' like the others.

"—can you hear me? Mami is calling you." She repeated.

I blew out a small breath, my eyes flicking close for a moment. "Naji. Just go." I voiced out, my tone a bit harsh. I didn't mean it though, I simply wasn't capable of controlling my emotions then.

I must've annoyed her, because I heard her huff out a small breath before mumbling something incoherent under her breath. She didn't press further after that; she simply walked out, banging the door close behind her.

With her gone, I extended a hand to the bridge of my nose and scratch the place lightly, simply out of instinct. Blowing out an exasperated breath, my shoulders slumped as I mentally scolded myself for upsetting her.

I didn't mean it, despite it being a normal thing between us. You'd think her being my only sibling will make us close, it doesn't. I don't know if it's the five years gap between us, but we're constantly fighting all the time.

It's always been like that—especially since she gets angry easily and well I on the other hand isn't so good at consoling people. So, I always make it worse.

I've never felt bad about it though, unlike how I feel at the moment. As I stared at the door where she disappeared behind, I couldn't help but wonder if she was the one in that situation, how could I have reacted?