Color Me Rainbow || MEANIE ✔

-60 || Jeonghan-

"This is definitely a change of scenery," Jeonghan said to Joshua as they stepped out of the hotel elevator. 

Joshua nodded and grinned at him. "Maybe if we come back here again, I can show you around. Unfortunately, time is limited and my mom only bought us tickets for two days."

Jeonghan agreed, excited at the prospect that they might come to America again in the future. 

Together, because that's what they were now, and Jeonghan was so happy.  

But, right at that moment, he couldn't bring himself to feel happy. It felt wrong right at that moment because he knew where they were going next. He knew how meaningful this was for Joshua, and he should be happy that Joshua was doing it in the first place, but he couldn't help but feel somber. 

In a way, he'd be meeting Joshua's soulmate. He'd be introduced as Joshua's new boyfriend, as the replacement.  It wasn't exactly a nice thing to think about even if she was gone. 

Aside from a couple of attempts at conversation, the ride over there was pretty quiet. There really wasn't much to be said. 

Joshua was the one who wanted to do this. Jeonghan had never even thought about it before. In fact, when Joshua told him of his idea, Jeonghan figured he had already said an official goodbye to his soulmate. 

"I want to move forward with you," Joshua said. "I don't know how to do that if I can't let go."

"You don't have to let go of the people who've moved on, Joshuji," Jeonghan replied. 

"I know. I just . . . I thought I got over it during those two years in the U.S. but I can't seem to let go of the fact that she was my soulmate, and . . . you're not," the younger male said.   Both males winced, because yes, even though this statement was true, it was still a slap in the face that the universe didn't think they were really meant to be together. 

Clearing his throat, Jeonghan said, "So, you think saying an official goodbye is a way to fix that?"

Joshua had shrugged. "I don't know, but it's a start. You're the one I want right now, and you're the one that's here with me right now. I love you, Jeonghan, and I'm gonna try my best to let go of this ghost from my past."

The brunette hugged the younger male then, his face stuffed into the curve between Joshua's shoulder and neck. "You don't have to do that, but I appreciate you trying," he told him, leaving a gentle kiss on his neck. "I love you too, whether you can let go of your soulmate or not."

So now here they were. Joshua talked to his mother, she happily paid for the trip for the two of them, and they were to leave the next morning really early despite having just landed in America only a few hours ago. 

Jeonghan was enjoying how new everything in California had felt, and he tried to focus on that. He'd only been to America once before but that was when he was really young. The only issue he had was his English was absolutely terrible, so he had to rely on Joshua to translate for him almost everywhere they went.  

The taxi parked near the curb in front of the gates to the cemetery. The two boys stepped out and up onto the sidewalk. They both studied the open gate and hesitated before stopping in, Jeonghan more than Joshua. Jeonghan almost felt like he shouldn't be there. He felt like he was intruding on something. 

They walked the span of the graveyard until they came to a small grave towards the back. Jeonghan didn't look at the name on the grave. He didn't want to know her name. He already felt guilty as it was, and if he saw that name, he'd probably see it for the rest of his life. 

"You okay?" Joshua asked.

"I don't want to know her name," the brunette said honestly. "I know that might be offensive, but I don't think I should know."

Joshua eyed his boyfriend with understanding and nodded his head. "Okay," he said softly. "You don't have to know her name." He knelt in front of the grave and reached out to touch it, gently running his fingers along the top edge of it. 

Jeonghan didn't look directly at the grave, but saw the large array of flowers that scattered the ground in front of it. There were roses, peonies, tulips, and lillies, all in a variety of colors. They looked fresh. The other decoration on the grave was a white teddy bear encased in what looked like glass that sat on the edge of the concrete that held up the grave. It held a blue heart in its hand with something Jeonghan couldn't understand written on the front of it. He balanced on the balls of his feet and studied the bear, like he'd be able to understand the phrase the longer he stared at it.  

"Happiness isn't meant to be forgiven," Joshua said. "That's what the heart says. It was her favorite teddy bear. I'm surprised it's out here. It never was before."

Jeonghan tilted his head, studying the text. "It's cute," was all he could think to say. 

"Hey, if you don't mind, would it be okay if I talked to her by myself?" Joshua asked after a moment of thoughtful silence. 

WIthout hesitation, the other nodded and began walking away. "I'll wait for you at the gate." Walking back across the graveyard to the gate, he sat cross-legged on the grass in front of it. He mindlessly picked at the grass in front of his while he thought. 

Happiness isn't meant to be forgiven. He shouldn't have to apologize for being with Joshua now. Was the bear a sign that Jeonghan was okay to continue loving Joshua? Was Joshua's soulmate giving him permission to love Joshua?

Moments later, Joshua stepped up beside Jeonghan then sat down next to him. "I told her about you," the younger had said. 

"And? Good news or bad news?" Jeonghan asked. 

"All good," Joshua responded. "It feels like she's given me a second chance. I can just tell she's happy wherever she is, and she wants me to be happy too."

"Will you be over to get over the feeling of once having a soulmate?"

Joshua grinned at him then. "I think I already have."

Was Joshua's soulmate giving Jeonghan permission to love Joshua? Yes, she was, and she did it without any hesitation. 

Thank you, Jeonghan thought. He believed she'd hear him from anywhere. It seemed she already had. 

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a/n: I'm thinking the next chapter will be the last chapter. I just have to figure out what it'll be about and how it'll end lol. can't believe this book is so close to its end 🥺