Our Circumstances

Chapter 20

As soon as her daughter stepped into the house after her morning jog, Maria only had to give her a once-over to guess that something was wrong. She predicted it would take Saliha a while to snap out of her inner thoughts, but it was already mid-afternoon. 

Maria turned off the stove and strained the pot of scorching hot chai in two cups. Adding a spoon of sugar in one of them and mixing well, she carried both cups to the living room and set them down at the coffee table. 

She peered over at Saliha, whose back was resting on one end of the couch and her legs huddling close to her body. Her eyes were still clouded in sorrow, her empty gaze lingering at the book she was pretending to read. 

"Your chai, Saliha."

Saliha looked up, attempting to seal her ruminations. "Thank you." She bent over to reach for the tea and went back to the book she was lazily glossing over.

"My dear, is something the matter?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're sighing a lot, you look very tired, you look very sad..."

Saliha smirked feignedly. "Mom, I just ran several laps around the park and ran back home - of course I'm tired."

"You came home more than five hours ago and had a restful nap shortly afterwards."

Saliha glimpsed downwards shamefacedly and raised her shoulders in indifference. "I just... remembered Dad. While running. The park just... holds many memories of him."

"Oh, Saliha..." Maria settled herself next to her daughter and rubbed her back with one hand. "I miss him too." Nothing more was stated after that, and nothing more was needed to be stated. The sole comfort of a mother rubbing her daughter's back while drinking a few sips of tea was enough for Saliha to lighten up her mood.

"Is that all that's on your mind?"

Saliha pursed her lips, wondering if it was worth mentioning. Nevertheless, she knew her mother would eventually figure out whatever was troubling her, so she delivered her honest emotions. "I'm tired of feeling this way, Mom."

"What way, dear?"

"Scared. Terrified. I want to jump in the pool but don't want to come out dry. I want to get soaked and enjoy the experience."

Maria gave an agitated look. "What are you talking about?"

"Marriage, Mom, marriage!"

"I see." Maria's eyebrows remained furrowed in confusion, almost uninterested in her daughter's metaphorical speech and how it related to what she actually felt.

"I want to start a relationship with someone again, but I'm afraid it would end up unpleasantly."

"You could have just told me that."

"Mom..."

"My dear, I already knew that."

"You did?"

"Yes, but I never wanted to bring it up because you never seemed to be in the mood to discuss anything about it."

"Well... now I am."

The look in Maria's eyes gave away her strong and irritated disapproval. "When I asked you last time if you feel ready to try again, you said you couldn't envision a better relationship than before. So that has to change." Maria brought her chai to her lips and drank in peace. After a full moment, she continued, "If you keep brooding on how awful Anas was to you, I don't think you are prepared for another relationship. Find another man with these disturbing thoughts of yours, and I guarantee it won't be successful - how you conceive him will be exactly as how you conceive Anas." Maria took another sip of her drink and placed it down. "I know I am being brutal, but it's for your own good."