her 24th birthday

44 11 18
                                    

twenty-four candles flicker,
casting shadows of both past and future, lessons learnt and dreams yet to chase,
but even as you step forward to blow those candlesticks,
a weight lingers, and a memory of abandonment etches deep into your skin,
spending your days alone,
searching for warmth within confinement,
how you begged your parents to stay,
yet they left you alone,
a moment etched into your history which may haunt you for rest of time,
but years later a flame lit vividly,
a guide to find yourself,
your grandmother's grace,
the melody within her voice,
brought back a smile that coaxed laughter into your younger and innocent self,
back into your precious face,
and as you close your eyes,
you see your teenage nights,
dancing together in rock and roll energy,
flashing moments of joy and carefree scenes,
but slowly shadows crept in,
whispers of deceit echoing from behind the walls,
leaving scars etched with betrayal's sting,
so as you start to blow the candles,
a tear that weighs the past year drops,
depression's grip tightened around your neck,
a suffocating darkness threatening to consume,
as you battle yourself against the lifelong villain of suicide,
you've fought through hell and back to battle with life,
craving a release that cuts deeper than tears,
so you can feel something more than staying alive,
as most of the time you feel like you've already died,
the phone lies cold,
unanswered calls echoing the silence where laughter used to bloom.
dishonesty's bitter taste lingers on your tongue,
each memory a shard of glass piercing through your chest.
as the embers were hushed by your gentle sigh,
you're transported back to that starless night,
the echo of your pleas swallowed by emptiness,
scars whisper tales of battles fought,
both won and lost,
the weight of survival pulling you under.
so for a few moments you think about cutting yourself and letting it bleed,
carving a fleeting escape on your soul,
but even in the abyss,
a flicker of defiance sparks within.
saying that you won't succumb, not tonight.
but as the ones around you applaud for another year of you,
remember my dear,
your days of old,
the ones you've carried for so long,
are soon to end as the flames dance high,
casting light on your face,
a flicker of hope in this uncertain space.
what lies ahead,
only time will tell,
but you'll face it bravely,
breaking the spell.

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