all my questionable decisions

ix. moral of the story

Everyone was sitting around the table, with papers and laptops scattered around. They had found some data about Tan's family—not much, but something. The news about his brothers' demise was not as shocking to Tan as Porsche had expected. But after all, Tan had to be somewhat informed about his family matters. Tan and his husband were sitting across from Porsche, his dark eyes focused on the data displayed by the projector. There was so much he did not know about him. Which was fair after all, Tan did not spend a lot of time with Porsche and Chay.
 
"During our search, we stumbled upon the family's official records. There was no mention about..." Pol looked up from his tablet and cleared his throat. "You, Khun Tan."
 
Tan sighed and rubbed his eyes. 
 
"Figures," he chuckled darkly. "I was not supposed to be an heir, that would be surprising if I were in the records. My mother wasn't my father's wife. He already had a wife and three sons when he learned about my mother being pregnant. She was one of the hostesses at his favorite bar. One time something went wrong with her medicine, and it turned out that she was with a child. She tried to get rid of me as soon as she could but she stupidly did it at the bar's toilet, so one of the guests found her, and she got taken to the hospital. They flushed the drug out of her system and told her that it wasn't safe to perform an abortion on her - she was too far along," Tan took a large sip of his drink, placing the glass between his hands. "That's how my father learned about her. He came to the bar and she was absent, they told him everything."
 
Korn was watching the young man in front of him. He couldn't see any resemblance to the man's father - for the best honestly. Korn never liked Anamout; he was too proud and too stupid to be a good leader or a father. His sons were not so bad, if you could omit their blind belief in their father. Korn was glad that at least the youngest was smarter than his father. He looked at his own sons and noticed how much they actually resembled him. Kinn had his focus, Kim his talent for hiding emotions and Tankhun was always as stubborn as him. He knew that they grew up too fast and way too rough but there was nothing he could do now.
 
"He dismissed the idea at first, but then he called the hospital and requested information about her. The dates were adding, the last time he saw her was almost seven months before so it was possible for him to be the father. He stormed the hospital and demanded that the doctors do DNA testing. The procedure is not dangerous if the mother is stable and healthy. My mother, who a week before tried to perform an abortion on herself, was fragile and not mentally well enough to do so. They still did it. Thirty hours later she went into early labor, and the results also came. A 98,4% match. It was also revealed that it was a twin pregnancy, my brother died before he could even exit the womb. I was in intensive care for another six months before the nannies took me. My mother was killed on the spot. For betrayal."
 
Porsche looked shocked, he knew Natta did not have a good childhood but he never thought it was that bad. He swallowed the whiskey in his glass and grabbed the pitcher of ice water, filling the glass to the brim. Kinn, who was sitting next to him, looked at him with a worried gaze. Porsche could not picture what he would have done if he was in Tan's mother's shoes. His mind was creating scenes filled with blood and screams. The same sense of grief he felt when triplest were gone returned and he let go of the glass, becuase it started to shake along with his hand.
 
"I was brought up as a spare. If the meeting was too dangerous or unimportant, they would send me because they always asked for a son. Never specified which son." Tan leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. His husband placed a hand on his arm. "After I finished high school, some of his acquaintances learned about his trick. So they left me be after that. I went to university, and met Bunn for the first time," he looked at his husband with eyes full of affection. "Then I finished my studies and opened my own business. After some time, my friend asked me to help at school so I started teaching. Met Bunn once again and... our friend was murdered, and other people too. When everything calmed down we settled. My father swore to leave us and never seek me again."
 
"I got pregnant short before his father paid us a visit," Bunn spoke. "We have sort of adopted Tan's students, so when he came kids were inside as well. He knows about our son because the kids wanted to protect me as soon as they saw guns. Doesn't know that he's a boy but knows that Tan has a child. We're worried he'd try to get both Tan and Type. If his sons are gone, Tan is the only heir he has. And let's be honest - there's no way of knowing if he has other children. Tan is well known to him and other people from his surroundings. And he has Type, basically two heirs."
 
Tan nodded.
 
"Through the years after my birth, father was checking everyone he slept with. None was found with a child. One tried to lie that her son was his but it turned out that she found someone who was really similar in looks to my father. He killed them both. I don't really know if he checked everyone. Maybe someone got away or got married, they could also give up the child for all we know," Tan sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Point is, I don't really want to bring someone into this life if I can simply get rid of him."
 
Porsche was feeling cold listening to Tan's story. There was so much wrong with it. How could someone who dared to call himself a father, put his child through so much misery? He looked towards the garden, where he knew Thiang was probably swinging on the wooden swing her grandfather had installed for her on the willow tree.
 
Kinn sighed and browsed through the papers that were in the folder he got from Arm.
 
"So, your father needs you. You're the last one and he has no other options. And seeing as Porsche is the one who... wait. How does Porsche appear in this story?" 
 
"When I was finishing high school, my father decided that I could actually be useful for something more. He had some kind of deal going on with some clan from Taiwan. I was supposed to go there in exchange for them supplying my father for five years. I heard them. And ran. Somehow made it here and then I met Porsche, he helped me but also had to pay the price. Is paying the price now."
 
Kinn exchanged looks with his father. It was personal. If the Diloknawarits are hunting Porsche, knowing that he's a part of their family, they won't stop even if Kinn declares war on them. They need to act differently. They needed to make sure that the compund would be unpenetrable. Kinn would not risk sending his children and Porsche somewhere else. Sure they slowly, very slowly, started to regrow the bond they had before but Kinn was always hunted by thoughts of Porsche leaving and taking the children with him. Porschay and little Ae as well - Kim would try to skin him alive this time for sure.
 
A knock on the door brought everyone's attention. 
 
One of the maids bowed when she entered and turned around. 
 
Porsche looked surprised to see his oldest son wrapped around a boy with a scowl on his face. A boy he has never seen before.
 
"Tharn? Who is that?" Porsche was out of his seat and walking towards his son with a curious gaze when the little one smiled brightly and hugged the other boy tighter.
 
"Mine!" Little Tharn called happily.
 
"Type?"
 
Bunn was walking towards the children as well, his eyes round with surprise and amusement.
 
"Dada!" Little Type called and tried to get free from Tharn's arms. Only to be turned around and hugged even tighter.
 
"Mine, friend," Tharn declared with narrowed eyes.
 
Kinn felt his lips move, trying to hold his laughter in. Tharn looked exactly like him when he first met Porsche and behaved similarly too. He didn't want anyone to be close to him either. He stood up and slowly walked to Porsche, kneeling at Tharn's and Type's level.
 
"Tharn, let Type go. He can't breathe," he pointed at the black-haired boy, whose face was red. Tharn looked at Type and nodded, letting him go but immediately grabbing his hand with his. "Tharn," Kinn said with a huff of amusement.
 
Tan was watching the exchange with curiosity. His son never let anyone touch him, at least not if he didn't want to. The fact that Porsche's son was holding him so tightly and freely without making Type scream like a Banshee and throw hands at him was a surprise. Tan quietly walked to Bunn and watched with fascination as Type playfully tried to get away from Tharn but was instantly pouting when said boy was away.
 
"Aish," Porsche sighed. "Tharn, he's not a plushie for you to hug. You could at least ask-" He looked at Bunn, who quickly said Type. "Type, if he wanted to be held. Or squeezed, that would be better."
 
Tharn's eyes narrowed and Kinn choked on a laugh. He knew that look, after all this was his look he just saw his son do. Tharn was as possesive as Kinn when it came to someone he cared about and if genetics worked as he was taught, the stubborness was all from Porsche. 
 
Seeing as all the adults were focused on them, Type turned from Tharn and using moment of distraction bolted towards Bunn who picked him up. Both set of parents watched what toddlers would do. Type seemed to be quite contend being in his Papa's arms but Tharn...
 
"Type!"
 
Kinn winced and quickly grabbed his son, wrapping his arm around the small frame of the sobbing boy. He looked surprised at Porsche, who only blinked surprised as well. It was not weird that Tharn found himself a new friend so quickly, according to Porsche the boy was a social butterfly. The weird thing was such a strong reaction. Tharn usually was quite calm child who did his own thing, unless he had his friends around him. Witnessing something so new was shocking for both his parents.
 
Bunn watched as the small boy who was hiding his face in his father's neck and then at his own, whose large brown eyes observed the scene with a pout. Type was so similar to Tan in both looks and behaviour that Bunn was not surpried that soon after seeing Tharn upset, Type demanded to be put down. The shorter boy lightly tugged Tharn's shorts and gave him his hand. Kinn almost dropped his son with how fast he wanted to be put down. 
 
"Okay?" Porsche kneeled so he was on the same level with the boys. "You two can go to Thiang, she's in the garden. Or to Tonhon, I think he's playing with Ae in the sunroom."
 
Tharn quickly dashed out of the room, the maid following them quickly. 
 
Porsche looked up at Tan, who was smiling slightly while watching his son disappear with his new friend. It was a mournful look, Porsche could only guess that Tan was remembering his own childhood and lack of said friends during his early years. 
 
"Shall we proceed with the security detail?" Korn stood and looked over them.
 
 
 
 
 
Porsche was standing at the balcony, watching the flickering lights in the city. It was a cold night, but if he looked down at the street he was sure he'd see some young people going to clubbing or tourists enjoying their vacation. He looked at the horizon and breathed out. There was a danger near the people he loved and cared about. His own children were at risk because he decided to help someone. He did not once regret helping Tan, especially after seeing him with a husband and son. He deserved it. 
 
He looked around and walked back inside for the pack of cigarettes he had bought earlier that day. He did quit smoking, mostly because of Tonhon who once saw him with the "bubblegum" and wanted it too. Porsche kept telling them that said candy was no longer made and he ate it all. Sure they were mad, but at least he had a motivation to quit his addiction. 
 
He lit his cigarette and breathed in. 
 
"Reminds me of the last time I saw you,"
 
Tan stopped next to him, looking in the same direction as Porsche. The latter nodded and breathed out the smoke, watching it disappear with the wind.
 
"The outcome is the opposite," Porsche said. 
 
Tan looked at him and just noticed how much older Porsche looked. There was of course the same face he saw all those years ago, maybe a little thinner and with some laugh-wrinkles, but... Porsche's eyes seemed way older than he should be. He talked with Bunn about the friend who helped him hide from his family. It was an esential part of his life. But he never really got to know what happened after with the brothers.
 
Porsche noticed his gaze on his face and turned to him. They will talk. 
 
He montioned at the outdoor sofas close to the pool and took out two bottles of beer, passing one to Tan, opening the other with a lighter.
 
"After you left," Porsche started after he finished his cigarette. "Me and Chay were sulking. Our uncle did not notice you gone for like a week? Then he decided it was better, because you'd not bring trouble onto us. I punched him." Porsche took a sip of his drink. Tan snorted and also took a long swing of his. "I got into the championships. One I even won. Then I graduated and went into community college. Chay started his high school. I started to notice that more and more money kept disappearing - I wouldn't but Chay needed the money for some trip and we were supposed to pay it all when we discovered we were short couple of thousand."
 
Tan frowned and leaned back.
 
"Arthee was gambling again?" He asked; Porsche nodded and leaned forward.
 
"Almost gambled the house but it was in my name so they didn't take it." He could see how Tan's eyes darkened. "In the meantime I was hired in some bars, got kicked out from some. Took a delivery job, then I landed at Yok's bar. But the pay, as good as it was, didn't cover enough. I joined the fight ring. Got my ass handed a couple of times but in the end it was a good money."
 
Tan nodded.
 
"How does Kinn come into the story?"
 
Porsche chuckled and shook his head.
 
"Like an idiot," he said. "They were chasing him, he ran into the dead end. That was behind Yok's club, told him I'd help if he pays me. He did, then he tracked me down and forced me to be a bodyguard. In the first month he forced me to act as his escort, personal maid, cook, and cleaner. I started fighs with him left and right. Oh it was fun." Porsche smiled remembering his and Kinn's pointless arguments. "I met Pete here, he's Kinn's cousin partner. Their daugher was held by Vegas', the cousin, father. I also met Arm, Pol, Big, Boss, Mek, and others. So many of them. There was also some dramatic scenes, as Khun calls them. One of the trainees turned out to be the one who drugged me along with... someone. I...," Porsche looked away. 
 
"I was out of it and so was Kinn. We slept together that night. The kids, their beginnings are not so glorious - they'll never know. I already threatened anyone who knows. I ran. Chay was also drugged, we were eating dinner when it happened. Kim got to him and... did the same. The difference was Kim being clean. That's why Chay is so cold and distant, I don't think he can forgive him for what happened."
 
"Can you?" Tan asked suddenly.
 
Porsche looked at him and then at the building across from them. Could he forgive Kinn what happened between them? Years ago, when it happened, he was scared and angry. He was hurt by someone whom he saw as a good aquaintence. Then he learned about his brother and his mind went blank. There was no way he could ever forgive the family for what they did. 
 
"I... I don't know. Kinn was almost as out of it as I. I think that there's this part of me that forces this thought forward everytime I think about it. Makes him better in my eyes." 
 
"You know that... Fuck. How to say this?" Tan put his bottle on the low table. "No one, especially Kinn would blame you. I mean, I'm pissed now. Don't give me that look, I am. And I should. You and Chay showed me kindness and helped me. Had I known about this, I'd have taken you as soon as possible."
 
"You couldn't know."
 
"That's the other thing I'm angry about." Tan rolled his eyes. "But. Porsche you went through so much because of this family and in the end..."
 
"I'm with them." Porsche finished. "That thought was also terrifying at the beginning. Khun Korn was like some kind of faraway creature that was observing our every move. Kim was and still is hovering over Chay and Ae. Khun... He's actually happy about little nephews and niece. Kinn though... He gave me space. Never forced anything."
 
"Because he feels it's his fault. Partly it could be. He still could have left you alone and don't let anyone in, but-"
 
"My kids would be here if he did."
 
Tan nodded and sat down at the sofa again, not even noticing when he crouched next to Porsche.
 
"I lied to him," Porsche said suddenly. "At the hospital. When he found us, I was at work. He got angry, beat me up. I ended up in hospital, I ran again and he found me and Chay at our house. When we got here I told him. About Chay and I carrying the kids. Then I ended up in hospital again. I was shocked when they told me that my pregnancy is with multiples. I screamed bloody murder and Kinn heard me, thought I lost the child and was mourning. And I didn't correct him?" Tan hit his arm. "What? Three Tan, I had three inside. We left after that. Khun Korn offered us a deal that he would pay for Kim and Chay's child. Money was enough for all of us so we stayed hidden. They couldn't contact us, that was also a part of the deal. Then Vegad and his weirdo happened and they took my children, not knowing they were mine and Kinn's."
 
Tan blinked and took his bottle, finishing it all.
 
"Honestly, your life should be sold as a script. It would be the most watched drama."
 
Porsche hit him with a pillow and also took a long sip of his beer.
 
Tan looked slightly to the right and noticed Kinn by the door, standing and watching. He smirked slightly and stood. He leaned towards Porsche and ruffled his hair, earning an offensed gasp. He laughed and hugged him with one arm then left.
 
"You two talked I see."
 
Kinn sat down at Tan's spot and Porsche nodded at him, relaxed at his own sofa.
 
"We finished with the security. If anything happenes, you take the kids along with Pete and Bunn and Khun and go to Khun's garage. We have an escape rout there. At the end we have four cars with money and passports. Flee as far as you can."
 
Porsche blinked at him and nodded again, placng his bottle at the table.
 
"When did you learn that your brother did what he did sober and clean?"
 
Kinn swallowed hard and sighed.
 
"While you were still under my watch in the penthouse. I locked you up because I grew paranoid that someone would take you," Kinn rubbed his hands together. "Couple of days after you two came, Kim was talking with Khun about Porchay. He kept mentioning that he was hiding from him in the walk in closet or bathroom. Then I asked him about that night and it hit me. He was never with me during lunch. I asked him. Beat him up, threw him into Khun's pond. That's why we are not allowed to go there together."
 
Porsche was staring at him with wide eyes.
 
"You beat up Kim? For Chay?"
 
Kinn licked his lips and looked up. 
 
"I know who I am, what my family does. We kill, we torture, we hurt. But never those close to us. And we never step so low that we take advantage of someone not willing. He needed to learn, it was for his own good. That's why he let Porchay go so easily then. Phor learned about it and also got involved in the mat-"
 
Kinn somewhat avenged his brother. By hurting his own. 
 
Porsche didn't knew when or how, he was in a second sitting on Kinn's lap, hands around his neck and lips pressed to his. This man felt something for him, he could see it in his actions and his eyes. Kinn slolwy reciprocated the kiss, holding Porsche's back. It was like everything he was waiting for, Porsche with him. Out of his own will. He slowly pulled back to look at the brown eyes who grew to yearn for through the years.
 
"I think I have forgiven you when I saw you again," Porsche whispered and let his fingers fall down Kinn's cheek. "Through the years I could think about it all. Then you made sure to punish those who destroyed what we were slowly building. I thank you for that."
 
Kinn nodded, his hands digging into Porsche's back now.
 
"I do think I loved you then, as I do now."
 
"Good, we agree on something," Kinn murmured and pressed his lips to Porsche's one more time.