The Bucket List

Diagnosis

There was an uncomfortable silence in the bright white room. The words still rang in Bella's ears.

"Miss Jenkins, you have stage 3 breast cancer, there's a 5 centimeter lump in your left breast."

Bella blinked a few times to try to erase it, but she couldn't, this was real. What would she tell Chris? Sweet, darling, wonderful Chris. His career probably wouldn't be able to hold this new development. He would have to breakup with her and she would be alone in this.

"Miss Jenkins? Miss Jenkins?" The words came and pushed through her thoughts.

"Yes? I'm sorry I was just lost in my thoughts." Bella tried to focus on the words that came but she couldn't. The same thought pounded in her head. 'What to tell Chris, what to tell Chris, what to tell Chris.' Over and over, like a huge drum in her mind beating out the same beat again and again.

"I've scheduled another appointment for you for Thursday, that's the day after tomorrow, is that okay?" The doctor asked looking at his calendar on the wall.

"Yes, that's fine. Can I go now?" Bella asked finally meeting his weathered brown ones with her vibrant blue iris'.

"Yes you may, get the nurse Lindsey to sign you out please." The old doctor let her out of the small room, she slowly slid off the tall exam bed. "Miss Jenkins, I'm sorry, one of the hard things about working in this field is having to be the bearer of bad news."

She weakly smiled at him, he was such a sweet older man. The sounds around her as she went down the small white hall to the nurses desks sounded muffled, fake, stuffed. Her jaw was already aching from flexing the muscles, she wouldn't cry, she wouldn't cry. She would be strong.

"Lindsey?"

"That's me! Here you go, sign this paper and you can go home." The cheery grey haired nursed handed Bella a cold clipboard. She straightened her Snoopy print scrubs and looked in the small mirror taped to her computer monitor.

"Thank you." Bella said quietly passing Lindsey back the clipboard.

"Thank you! Have a nice day!" She called back.

Bella's mind couldn't stop flickering back to Chris. Her boyfriend of now 3 years, actor loved by so many, and best friend long before high school. Tears threatened to spill as she rode the elevator to the level where her car was parked.

She quickly hopped in and slammed the door, the tears spilled from her eyes, she beat the steering wheel sobbing. Her throat felt constricted, tight and knotted up. She didn't stop crying until her eyes were sore and puffy, her nose was bright red, and her body felt achy.

Should Bella text Chris? No, better to call. No, this was information to be said in person. He was probably on set now, she sent a text inviting him to dinner at her apartment.

'Hey babe, how about dinner at my place? Do you want me to call in or cook? I love you' -Bella

A few minutes of silence allowed Bella to calm down a bit.

'Dinner sounds good, I don't want to put you out by making you cook. Just call in a pizza or something. I love you too' -Chris

Bella pulled out of the parking garage and headed home, the radio played softly in the background as she drove. But she couldn't pay attention to it.

Her mind was on more pressing matters, like how she was going to tell Chris. How do you tell your boyfriend that you're going to loose all your hair, be sick for months and months, loose a breast maybe both. How do you tell someone you love that?

Bella sighed, her eyes pricked with tears again.

Carefully. That's how you tell someone that.