Listen to the Water | FULL SERIES | Wattys 2022 Shortlist | ✔

(31) Ande: Sea-Floor Bones

My tail stops me of its own accord when I can't swim any longer. I tumble to the silt and let myself drag to a halt, throwing up clouds of mud like pale fog around me. They turn my skin ashen as they settle. That's not actually bad camouflage. I roll over, coating myself, then lie in the silt and just let my lungs ache until I recover. I can't keep going. If I haven't escaped the singing fish by now, I'm just going to have to deal with whatever comes.

The water stays empty. The slowing of my breathing allows me more space to pay attention to my other senses, all of which reveal no fish. It's only then that reality begins to sink in. I lost Sar's trail. I fled in the opposite direction from Taiki and the ruin, too far off the silt to leave a trail. I have no idea where I am. I lower my forehead to my arms and breathe slowly, so as not to blast up more silt. I can't sing. I'm almost certainly too far for my lights to reach Taiki, and I have no other way to find or contact him.

I'm alone.

I push myself up and rock back and forth, running my fingers over my arms to keep myself grounded. Think, Ande. I wasn't the smartest in my village for nothing. The best thing to do at this point would be to retrace my steps before my water-trail fades, but that puts me back in the path of anything coming after the singing fish. The next-best thing would be to stay where I am and wait for Taiki to find me. There are enough holes in that plan to drive a flock of jungle fowl through. If Taiki's voice gives out again, he won't be able to sing. There's no guarantee he would anyway. He's alone right now, and I'm the bolder one of us—if even I don't want to risk attracting a predator, he probably won't.

Another option is to stay where I am and wait for Sar to find me. I cringe as the squirming uncertainty that Taiki cast over the Sami-Kel returns. For all my feelings about Sar, I still know next to nothing about their skills or motivations. How far can they track a person underwater? Will they decide to stay with Taiki and I after what happened? And more than that, are they even in a mental space to be making those decisions at all right now?

My last option is the one I'm going to have to employ eventually, whether someone finds me or not. I should have brought food with me. I'm already hungry from sprinting, and there's absolutely nothing on the silt around me. I turn off my lights, waver, and turn them on again. They're a signal for predators, but also for either of my companions. I have to stay still for as long as I can, to give them a chance to find me. If neither of them does, I'm just going to have to move.

I'm also exhausted. My head swims as that realization unlocks the true depth of the feeling, like it was just waiting for me to stop and notice. I can't leave my lights on while sleeping, and if I don't sleep now, I'll be in more danger from slow reflexes than if I try to stay awake. Resigning myself to the fact that I have no good options, I ease myself down in the silt and scoop it over me for good measure. My exhausted brain cuts out before my thoughts can spiral any further.

I'm still alone when I wake. I have no idea how long I've been sleeping for, and it's just as disorienting as it was when we first arrived in the deep. Hunger is carving a hole through my body. It weakens my limbs and makes my hands unsteady, and I know my waiting time is up. It's time to move, or I'll progressively lose my ability to.

I push myself up. Silt sheds off me like my skin is disintegrating, but I don't entirely lose that ashy overtone even as I shake myself off. I hug myself and survey the utterly identical view on all sides. I can see which way I came from. Is it safe to go back that way yet? And is it even the right way? Yesterday's escape is such a blur, I don't remember what directions I took to put distance between myself and the singing fish. Then before that, there was trying to escape the fish's path, and before that, Sar's trail. I mentally map each of those and hazard a guess which way the ruin lies. I pray to Andalua that I'm right.